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Trust 30, Day 31 (prompt by Matthew Stillman)

Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mess up your hair. If you are wearing makeup – smudge it. If you have a pair of pants that dont really fit you – put them on. Put on a top that doesn’t go with those pants. Go to your sock drawer. Pull out two socks that don’t match. Different lengths, materials, colors, elasticity.
Now two shoes. You know the drill.
Need to add more? Ties? Hair clips? Stick your gut out? I trust you to go further.
Take a picture.
Get ready to post it online.
Are you feeling dread? Excitement? Is this not the image you have of yourself? Write about the fear or the thrill that this raises in you? Who do you need to look good for and what story does it tell about you? Or why don’t you care?

I fall in the category of "I don't care." If you've read much of my blog you know by now that one of my biggest frustrations in life is the masks people wear. Appearances. My deep desire is to relate to people more sincerely and more deeply than appearances can take me.

I'm going on a mission trip to Brazil in less than a month. Where I'm from, our in-state college football rivalry is a big deal. A really, really big deal. People are so serious about it they name their kids after coaches and players. So when a friend donated some cash to the trip and gave me a hat from the "other" team (the one I didn't graduate from), what did I do? I took a picture of me in the hat and posted it on facebook. That's kind of the okie equivalent to mismatched shoes or smudged makeup in other circles. Yet I do it with joy...if it can help break down artificial walls, I'm all about it. If I can do something counter-cultural as a way to point out the silly things we tend to idolize, bring it on. Image is nothing, show me your heart. That's where things get real. That's where things actually matter.

10 Year Text

Trust 30 : Day 30 (prompt by Tia Singh)

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine your future self, ie, you 10 years from now. If he/she were to send you a tweet or text message, 1) what would it say and 2) how would that transform your life or change something you’re doing, thinking, believing or saying today?

Be bold. It's worth it. God is with you.

Overcoming Uncertainty

Trust 30 : Day 29 (prompt by Sean Ogle)

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”

All the life goal that haven't yet achieved fall into one of two categories:

1. Those that I know but haven't realized. These are unrealized because they require patience. Some things take time to unfold. So, I am being patient while I prepare.
2. Those that I don't know but will realize. These are things that are beyond my comprehension right now that will come to pass anyway. Some of these I will see coming and some I won't. 

For all my life goals there are two key components...patience and trust in God. So I'm keeping my eyes on Him and just enjoying the ride. Trust in myself? Hope in myself? His plans are so much better than mine!

Alive-est

Trust 30 : Day 28 (prompt by Sam Davidson)

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

I've mentioned a few times how crazy and incredible the last few years have been. Beyond words. All because God has been shaping and using me in incredible ways. When I compare my "before God" and "since God" lives, they hardly even compare. But alive? When have I felt the most alive? That's kind of odd.

I didn't grow up going to church much. Of course, growing up in Oklahoma I went some, but it never was an integral part of my life. So, true confession time here, I don't know how to "do" Sunday School. Yet here I am teaching it. It's been a very unusually collision of circumstances that have led me here.

When I was in the first phases of discovering Christ, I started attending this class. It was open and honest...about as close to a "mask-free" environment as I've ever seen. It wasn't very structured and I learned a lot. I grew to know and love the other people in the class. And then I felt the call...the call to do more, the call to give more, the call to serve more. There were a few transitions and I had the opportunity to teach a little. It was terrifying. Some times it was exhausting. But more often than not, I felt "filled" after teaching.

More recently, things have changed again. Since the beginning of 2010 I've been the "primary" teacher in the class. In a way, I've been casting the vision for the class. When my turn to teach comes up, I never seem to have trouble coming up with things to teach about. The Bible is so full, so rich, it seems to be an endless supply. Each week I have the honor of pursuing God on my own, listening for Him to guide me in a topic, and then presenting it to an amazing group of people. We still try to stay open and honest. We try to stay humble. We work on focusing on God, above everything else. I believe we're on a solid path of spiritual growth.

But this feeling of "being alive..." If there's something that's the opposite of stage fright, that's what happens after class. For example, this week the lesson has stuck with me. It keeps echoing back into my life. I'm seeing new facets of it that we didn't get to explore and I'm reflecting on all that we were able to cover. And I'm humbled. I'm amazed. I'm in awe of God. He's using me. Again. And it's awesome. Then I reflect on who I was and on who am I, and I'm humbled again. The fact that God would choose to use me for anything is amazing. The fact that He was able to somehow--beyond all hope, logic, or reason-- He was able to turn my face toward Himself. That He continues to pour His spirit into me, allowing me to continue gazing in His direction, continue learning, sharing, and serving...that makes me feel alive.

Personal Recipe

Trust 30 : Day 27 (Prompt by Harley Schreiber)

I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about the type of person you’d NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. “Thought is the seed of action.”

I don't want to be one of the living dead. It seems so many people seek to tune out life. Whether it's television, internet, drugs, the bar scene, or anything else, people seem to be constantly striving to escape. To be honest, I feel that same call. I've given in to it before. On one hand life seems so much simpler if the primary purpose of it is to stay gratified. You put in your time at work, grab some fast food on the way home, and then veg all night. Next day is the same as the last. Repeat as necessary. Retire. Die, having never lived. Frankly, that's the path of least resistance. Living like this doesn't anger anyone, but there is no positive purpose in it either.

Here's a quick recipe:

1. Openly and passionately pursue truth. Don't stop when it gets comfortable, keep pushing until your dying breath.
2. Reach out to others. Staying engaged with other helps maintain perspective and keep you honest. 
3. Always keep learning.
4. Never be afraid to help someone else out.
5. Choose to love.

Call To Arms

Trust 30 : Day 26 (prompt by Sasha Dichter)

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!

Let us do nothing out of hate, malice, anger, or vengeance. Let our lives and everything in them be shaped by love. In ever situation let us strive to do the right thing, and in a way that doesn't tear anyone down but only lifts them up.

Christ has called us to be His hands and feet, continuing His work here on earth. He has called us to comfort the afflicted, feed the hungry, free those that are in chains, and provide for widows and orphans. I believe if we unite and take this call seriously we would see humanity transformed in less than a generation.

People are desperately looking for a savior. In America, more and more it is the role of the government to feed the needy and help the broken. Many Christians I know believe the growth of government is a horrible thing. They spend many hours in fruitless worry and frustration, fretting about what this politician or that politician is doing. But what if we stopped looking to the politicians? What if we stop focusing on what Thomas Jefferson said and instead focused on the vision Christ had for humanity? What if we let that guide our lives?

According to Wikipedia, there are approximately 2.2 Billion Christians on earth. If you self-identify as a Christian, you believe God sent His son Jesus to earth to save humanity. We all agree on that. Whether we do or don't dance or drink; whether we wear suits or shorts to church; whether we rock out or chant acappela in worship -- we are one body united in Christ. We are diverse, there is no doubt. And we are all called to serve Him. If even a small percentage of us united around this fact, we could shake the earth.

Imagine a country where food stamps weren't needed because "the church" not only fed the hungry but lifted them out of their situation in love, helping them find new life and purpose here on earth. Imagine a country where medicare wasn't necessary because the church provided for the medical needs of the old and ill. Imagine a country where those that lost their employment were taken in by the church, helped along, and retrained for a new vocation. Imagine a country where the church was so full of love and faith that there were no orphans or foster children because there were so many loving families willing to take them in. There are already Christian organizations doing each of these things, making a real difference. They are generally under-funded and under-publicized, but the framework is already there. 

What if we spent our time and money doing all these things in a way characterized with love, compassion, and joy? What if we used our "time, treasure, and talent" for this instead of on tracts and superficial outreach? What would it say about our church if outsiders were drawn to it because they see the good work we are doing, the real difference we are making and they want to be a part of it? What if we actually welcomed in the non-believers, the "sinners," and those that normally feel out of place in church to serve along side us?

I believe this is not only possible, but essential. I believe we are called to live united. Let us break down the walls that divide us. If we stopped focusing on our differences so much, we would realize that we have much in common. Let's unite and conquer.

Most Ordinary

Trust 30 : Day 25 (prompt by Patti Digh)

Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary.

I relate to that "ordinary" feeling quite a bit. I have trouble seeing anything that I do as unique. If I can do it, anybody can, right? What's been eye opening for me is to see this in my kids too. There are things they do that are so exceptional that they disregard or under value. This isn't an indication that there's anything wrong with them...I believe it's our nature.

But to turn the lamp back to me... Jon Acuff has done a good job at fleshing this out in his blog (here) and his book "Quitter." He illuminated for me the fact that I tend to compare my "beginning" to other peoples' "middle." I look at a successfully author or visionary leader and compare their work to my own. Never mind the fact that they've been working at it for 20 years or more and I'm just ramping up. I neglect that fact. So my false expectation tends to be that I can sit down and write one thing (novel, essay, song) and it will "be enough." I tend to think my first novel will be my best one. I forget that in every other area of life, more experience ends up producing better results.

My challenge is twofold. The most important, at this point, is time in the seat. Practice, practice, practice. That has been the best part of this Trust 30 challenge. It's forcing me to write. I'm learning how to steal moments here and there. To write a little and come back later without losing my thought. Previously I felt I had to carve out a substantial block of uniteruptable time so that my ideas wouldn't fly away. I still prefer solitude, but I can manage without it.

I do believe I have a unique voice and perspective, but that I haven't quite fleshed out exactly what it is yet. That's the second part of my challenge...finding that voice that will ring through consistently in everything I write and do.

Here's to being ordinary.

Intuition

Trust 30 : Day 24 (prompt by Susan Piver)

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

My intuition (I think I'll name him Django) is cunning. You might not notice him at first when you walk in the room, but he's always there. See, his primary objective isn't to be seen but to see. To the casual observer (the ones that notice him anyway) he might even appear "shady." He keeps to himself, but always has a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous smile (or is it a smirk) on his face. Like he knows something the rest of us don't. No matter how persuasive you are, he won't tell you how it knows it. But he's rarely wrong.

Just the other day I got together with Django for coffee. I was trying to sort through the junk in my head. Maybe it was a bit of a midlife crisis. Anyway, I needed to have a chat with someone. When I have a crisis in my life, it's usually rooted in something existential or metaphysical. And that's just what this was. I was fretting about what path to choose or how to know what God's will was for my life or something else like that. You know, the stuff that weighs me down that others just don't seem to get. I just couldn't collect enough data to make the decision easy. Of course, I never can.

Django sat back an listened, cool as can be. His dark eyes were full of compassion. His crooked smile betrayed his inner thoughts, though. He didn't need to hear me rambling on with all my worries, observations, and fears. He already knew the answer.

"Relax." He tells me.  Easy for him to say. "You know the answer, you always have." His zen mumbo-jumbo gets to me some times.

"But what if I take the wrong path? What if I make the wrong choice?" I blurt out a little too hastily. 

"Look. Your whole life has led up to this point. The path you take is determined by so much more than the observations you can bring to mind right now. You're prepared, you're ready. And you already know the path you need to take." 

"But what if I'm wrong? I could miss out on my destiny! Worse yet, I could anger God. If He's setting something up for me and I walk away...well, it could be bad." 

"Who do you think has been shaping you for this? When has God ever left your side? He's always been there and always will be. You've done some pretty stupid things in your life and He has stood by you through it all. He's directing your steps."

"But what if I'm following my own whims instead of His voice?" I cry out.

"You love God. You seek God. He loves you. Keep your eyes and your heart focused on Him and you can't make a bad choice. Trust Him and go with it. There are lives out there that need to be touched, people that need love and healing. There's a world out there to shake."

I sat back, out of words. I slowly sipped the last of my now cool mug of black, decaf coffee. Django met my hesitant gaze with a compassionate smile while he sipped his steaming Earl Grey. I can feel his words working in my heart, compelling me to move from thought into action.

I finally ask, "so, what's next?" 

"Go get 'em, Tiger"

Courage to Connect

Trust 30 : Day 23 (prompt by David Spinks)

Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who is one person that you’ve been dying to connect with, but just haven’t had the courage to reach out to? First, reflect on why you want to get in touch with them. Then, reach out and set up a meeting.

Many parts of life are composed of the competing forces of wants and needs. Often our wants overshadow our needs, stealing our focus and taking our eyes of what it truly important.

When it comes to connecting with others, I tend to allow this to happen. Through the wonders of technology I feel connected to and influenced by many people who have no idea who I am (and probably never will). I think about how great it would be to be in a small group with Andy Stanley. To have Matt Chandler or Francis Chan as a spiritual mentor. To jam with David Crowder. With each of these people (and so many more) it doesn't matter if I reach out to them, they aren't in my circle of interaction and I'm not in theirs. These connections are wants, not needs.

No, the truly courageous connections fall into the category of needs. The wants are safe. Since the likelihood of coming to fruition is so small, they can safely be dreamed about endlessly with little to no risk. But when it comes to connecting with people that are in my circle of interaction, well...that gets a little scary. The consequences are real. The possibility of rejection is real. Since success is an option, failure is also an option. And that fear of failure can be paralyzing.

So who do I want to connect with? I'd love for my dad to know how much he is loved and appreciated. I'd love to have a running dialog on things like perspectives on fatherhood and marriage. The meaning of life, metaphysics, achievement, and significance. You know, letting conversations unfold without necessarily worrying about who is right and who is wrong. But I think we both shy away because we think we won't agree on anything. We both really like to be right. Plus, it's hard to know where to start for both of us.

My mom. I'd love to connect with her in a new way. A way that is free of the pressures of performance. A way that encourages stillness and a genuine connection. Let's talk about love, relationships, spirituality. The legacies that were handed to us and the legacy we leave others. Let's reminisce about old times and look forward to future memories with eager anticipation.

And my dear sister. On the surface it appears we are likely to agree on very little. But deep down we have so much in common...we grew up in the same house, same parents, same relatives. From the same blood. Beneath the layers we've built up around us, at the core we're got to be so alike. It can be hard to let down the walls and let a true connection happen. And like any relationship, it can't happen until both are ready and willing.

So, when do I set the appointment? And how?

Enthusiasm

Trust 30 : Day 22 (prompt by Mars Dorian)

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now.

Once again I risk falling into the realm of cliche, which I typically try to avoid, but nothing creates more enthusiasm for me than following God's will. I realize this makes no sense to a lot of people. It's just...I've had my own hopes and dreams for most of my life and they all pale in comparison to what I've seen God do in the past few years.

I find that this naturally touches people on a deeper level as it grows. Lives are transformed, relationships reconciled, and the past is overcome. The energy and enthusiasm generated from following God's will cascades from more to more as it is experienced. It does have enemies, though.

The first is nostalgia. By this I mean clinging to what God has done instead of what He has yet to do. Many people have a profound spiritual experience and then spend the rest of their lives resting on it. It's not unlike an athlete that throws a perfect game in high school and spends the rest of his life reliving that same memory. It was an incredible accomplishment, but it's causing the present to stagnate and the future to die. It's important always be looking forward with eager anticipation to what God has planned for us next. As long as we're breathing there is more for us to do.

The second is fear of abandonment. Even though I know God has done tremendous things for me and through me, I fear that He is finished with me. This anxiety causes me to doubt the calling I hear. It undermines the work that is left to be done.

The third is fear of the unknown. That is, we fear what God has planned for us next. This is the "what if" game. What if God wants me to sell my house? What if He wants me to move to another country? What if He wants me to quit my job and live as a homeless person? I'm comforable with what God has done in my so far because I know how it has turned out. Sometimes it's tempting to stop seeking His will because we don't want to turn into one of "those people." You might know the type...totally sold out to Christ like nothing on this earth really matters.  Weird.

So, what do I need to think or believe about my work to be totally excited about it? I need to believe that God put me here for a reason. That through Him the purpose will be revealed. When it's time to move on, He will make it abundantly clear.

You Know

Trust 30 : Day 21 (prompt by Jen Louden)

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

For today, trying asking yourself often, especially before you make a choice, “What do I know about this?”

Once again I'm not sure I can find the writing prompt in this one.  But I'll address a few things that I know...

I know that I have spent my life living deliberately. I do often ask myself what I know about many things before attempting them or asking others (I hate to call tech support). As a result, I have stored up a lot of experience-based knowledge. I don't claim to be 100% right, just 100% sincere. And that's enough.  I know I'd rather live and interact with people that are sincere than correct.

The truth I know that is the undercurrent of my entire life is that the truth matters. People matter. Communication is important. It's more important to listen than to be heard when building relationships. Masks make us feel protected but really they isolate us. Deep down no one wants to be isolated, but also deep down no one wants to be hurt.

Speak Less

Trust 30 : Day 20 (prompt by Laura Kimball)

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know I. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I once received a fortune cookie that read: “Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.” What’s one project that you’ve been sitting on and thinking about but haven’t made progress on? What’s stopping you? What would happen if you actually went for it and did it?

From an early age I have wanted to be a college professor. It was always something I wanted to do "once I got old." I had this mental image of a tweed sports jacket with elbow patches, maybe a pipe too. And a globe, definitely a globe. In my mind I'd be a professor of philosophy. 

In reality, I went a more technical route. It's not that I gave up on that idea, but I had other plans for the time until I got old. I knew at some point I could take a few more classes, start working toward an advance degree. Then, when the hustle and bustle got old, I'd start teaching a class here and there. 

So, based on that dream, my "one project I've been sitting on" would be working toward the elbow patches. To be that kind of instructor "then" I need to start working on that degree "now." Things have changed, though. Now I've got this obsession with God that's shaping my life. What I find fascinating is that this new relationship hasn't really changed that mental image, I just see me teaching religious studies or a similar topic. 

My biggest obstacle is my previous experiences with formal education. I've spent enough time in school that I have a mental image of what it will be like to go back. I believe I have an understanding of what kinds of things I can expect to learn (and not learn) there. I have an idea of what kind of people I will (and won't) meet there. I desire knowledge, wisdom, and depth of understanding. I'm not confident I can get it there.

So...I have made a deliberate choice to increase the scope of my personal studies. I guess I'm going to self-educate. Someday I may take classes. But I don't think I need to go back to school to get an education. And I don't think I need an advanced degree (or tweed jacket) to be a teacher.

Facing (and Fearing)

Trust 30 : Day 19 (prompt by Dan Andrews)

Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions... (please see original prompt for full text of the questions)

I'm not sure I can discern the writing prompt in this one. I will attempt to answer the three questions and base it on the dreams and goals I wrote about in the past could of prompts. Here goes...

1.) "What are the costs of inaction?"
In the case of the dreams I have, they all center on one thing...trust God. More than anything in life, I seek to follow God's will above all else. I hate religious cliches. I feel like when I say something "churchy" people tune out. In the past few years, though, the times that make sense in life--the times that have had the most significance--are the time I was close to God. And when I am close to God, I listen to and follow His will, not mine. When I try to force the future then I lose sight of Him. When I focus on Him, the future unfolds. So, the cost of inaction, based on my personal experience, results in a time of building. Times of inaction are times of preparation. Inaction can be one of the greatest parts of your dream. It is this patient persistence that develops you into the person that is ready to inact out the dream. Once the time is right.

2.) "What kind of person do I want to be?"
I want to run the race, fight the good fight. When I die, I want people to say that my life was lived in a way that proved that I loved God. I want to be a good father and husband. If I have God and my family in the right place in life, the rest doesn't matter so much.

3.) "In the event of failure, could i generate an alternative positive outcome?"
Yes, God works through all things. The things that look like failure today are preparation for greater things to come. Trusting God is always a positive outcome.

Trust 30 - Interlude

I signed up for the Trust 30 challenge enthusiastically. I enjoy writing and really thrived on the daily deadlines. I've fallen behind lately and have been trying to decide whether to catch up or not. See, I appreciate what they're trying to do. And I know I need to write. I try really hard not to complain much, I'm just so good at it.

The last week's worth of writing prompts have been challenging. They haven't been challenging in the way they were meant to be. My life hasn't been changed by thinking about them. I'm not thinking of things in new ways, not getting new perspectives. And I haven't been writing about the things I'd love to write about. I guess that's the biggest thing for me. The prompts I've been able to pull out of the last week's posts have felt like I've been covering the same ground over and over (and over and over). When I reflect on all the prompts and what I've written, it feels a lot like literary self-gratification. Write about yourself, go deeper into yourself, give yourself a pep talk. As you can tell from my previous writings, I'm just not that into me.

So, we'll see what the future holds...I'd like to go ahead and finish the Trust 30 challenge simply because I like to finish what I start. I've got some work to do to catch up, but I needed this interlude.

The best part of the Trust30 challenge for me has been discovering a few other excellent blogs:
Jeremy
Lili
Beth

Dreams

Trust 30 : Day 18 (prompt by Michael Rad)

Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them.

Dreams:

1. Impact the world in Christ's name
2. Raise my kids well...to be men with strong character and strong minds.
3. Love my wife continually and deeply 

Holding me back: there is truly less holding me back today then ever before.

Invent the Future

Trust 30 : Day 17 (prompt by Cindy Gallop)

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now.

My future is peaceful. I envision having a family run business that allows each of us to work together for something bigger than what we could accomplish on our own. But the business doesn't run our lives, we don't live for it. It's still just a means. It brings us together and allows us to each bring our own unique talents to the table. It allows everyone to contribute and flourish.

Without going into too many specifics about type of business, I'll have some time to read a little, write a little, strum a little, teach a little, and talk to strangers. It will be a safe harbor for those seeking sanity. It will be a place people can come to when they're searching for help. Whether someone needs a full belly or full mind, this will be a place to be filled. Yes, this place will be founded on Christ and centered on Christ, but in a way that is welcoming to everyone, regardless of their religious beliefs or the state of their lives. It will be a reflection of His love, where everyone is wanted and welcome.

Wholly Strange and New

Trust30 : Day 16

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.

The sweetest moments like this in life are the ones that are unexpected. As I matured out of my late 20s and into my early 30s I mellowed a bit. I unplugged and allowed myself to explore life differently than I had been. There was almost a Zen-like detachment as I simply experienced the world around me. I let life unfold. And then the idea of God finally started making sense on a different level than ever before.


So I started going to church. It was an adventure...or maybe even more like a quest.  I really don't think I ever intended to stay. It was a stop along the way during my pursuit of enlightenment. 


Honestly, it was culture shock for quite awhile. I've got questions and I was looking for answers, but I'm not the type to be rude or demanding about it. But I was on a quest. My behavior ranged from "ok, so we're going to church, what do I have to stop doing?" to "um, why are we drinking grape juice?" I've never been a conformist and I wasn't about to start new habits up (or abandon old ones) without understanding why.


Then, suddenly, there was this shift. I remember coming home and talking to Sweetie about these things I was trying to wrap my head around. Crazy ideas like "if you want to live, you must die to yourself. If you want to lead, serve. To have life, give your life away. To be significant, stop pursuing your own interests." These were not only new concepts to me, but they didn't make any sense at all and they were counter to all the beliefs I held so dear for all my life.


But that shift happened. No, it wasn't brainwashing by anyone at the church. There was a click and it snapped into focus. I had a new perspective that wasn't available to me previously. I believe God revealed it to me.


The old me would say that this isn't a "new path" at all. This is conforming to the brainwashing that happens when one is abducted and indoctrinated. The new me, however, remains painfully aware of my entire life up to this point. I'm not easily brainwashed. I believe the walk I took into this life of faith is uniquely me and mine. In fact, I believe we each have a unique quest that we're on, pursuing God while He pursues us. It's a beautiful dance. As long as we keep up the pursuit, we will find Him. Just like every marriage, every parent-child relationship, and every friendship is different, everyone's path to and relationship with God takes on a different flavor. It's the tapestry of these adventures that weave a beautiful masterpiece.


Unfortunate disclaimer: please don't think that I'm saying any form of spirituality is fine. I believe in one God, that He is more than enough for all of us. There are many false paths, but one true God. My point is that if you continue to pursue, you will find Him.

One Thing

Trust30 Day 15

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing…

I have two incredible kids. This isn't just the typical fatherhood bias either. I've known a lot of people in my time, and these two are beyond description. I thank God that He put them in my life. I'd love to take the credit for how wonderful they are, but I'm wise enough to know that I can't. It's God's hand that has shaped them into fine young men.

For my "one shot," I abandoned things like becoming a mutli-millionaire, owning an exotic car, and many professional achievements long ago. I've discovered that the impact I would like to leave on the world is through the people I meet. Love God, love others.

My two sons are first and foremost on my list. Being a father to them, helping to shape them into men, is an art form. Staying involved but giving them room to grow. Guiding their interests without forcing them into mine. Teaching them to love God without teaching them to hate church. Without brainwashing. Encouraging their questions. Always taking time to listen, respecting them as the people that they are. Delighting in their interests. Being proud of them and loving them, no matter what.

So where does it stop? If I've been blessed with these two...if I feel that the most significant thing I've done in life is raising these two...doesn't it make sense to have more?

I used to fear that adding another to the mix would upset the chemistry. It'd be harmful to the two that I already have and love so much. I also fear that I'm too old. I'm very good at calculating how old I'd be when the next one made it out of high school. I can think of a million more reasons not to dream of this. But then there's the love.

The love. Sweetie and I had a conversation years ago about this. That is one thing we feel we do well. And it's what is missing from the lives of so many kids. If God gave us this capacity for love, shouldn't we use it? We know we have enough love for more. We know we have a big enough God for more. Isn't that the work that I do? That's what fills me, that's what brings me to life.

Alternative Paths

Trust 30 Day 14

"When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?”

The things we have--cars, stereos, paychecks, job titles--ultimately don't matter. Even things that sound more noble, like publishing a book or earning a degree are ultimately worthless. They will all fade away. It seems most goals and visions we have in life not only revolve around these things that will fade, but we sacrifice the things that truly matter in order to acheive them. We relegate things like quality time with our kids, our marriage, and even our sprituality to "someday." Once we acheive "enough" we'll get back to that stuff. After all, the people that love us the most always be there, right?

But life isn't like that. It moves on. Focus on the wrong thing and the right things slip away. Kids grow up with or without a parent's help. Even the most patient spouses will not tolerate an absent mate forever. Distance can grow in any relationship--parents/kids, husband/wife, friends, and you/God.

Emerson says "...when you have life in yourself..." I have life in myself when I feel close to my kids. When they seek me out to show me something they've created (usually with duct tape) or a brain teaser they invented. I find life in myself when they find joy in life and eagerly share it with me. These things can be a distraction to the focus I have toward "my" goals. But "my" goals are meaningless without these things. I refuse to sacrifice my children or marriage on the altar of personal acheivement. Allowing myself to consistently be distracted by those I love has tangibly altered my vision for the future. I feel I'm not driven by blind ambition, I am willing to follow love and let the vision that we share unfold in front of us as we experience life together.

Surprise!

Trust30 : Day 13

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

So much about my transformation has been surprising. Astounding, even. Actually, it's been beyond belief. An outright miracle. For example, in a few short years I've gone from being a life-long, die-hard atheist to being a Sunday School teacher developing my own curriculum...specializing in life change, authenticity, and reaching those that are hurting. And I know it's just the beginning.

Another example...I didn't think I could ever sing and play guitar. My entire life I rarely sang in private, much less in public. Yet when the time came, I stepped into the role of band leader. Not only did I sing and play a couple of times a week for a year, but arranged the set lists and coached the other band members along. It was unbelievable. And surprising. 

The common denominator in every surprise has been a strong trust in God. When I've tried to force things along they just don't work out. When I trust Him amazing things happen. This week I will surprise myself. He will surprise me. I will find a way to lean more fully into God for the things that are unresolved in my life. I will trust Him to give me the courage and the words to do what is right as well as what is necessary. He will use my willingness to make a difference this week. 

Fear

Trust 30 : Day 12

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question

Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

• Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel? 

• Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

• Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Answer

Is fear holding me back? Absolutely. Sometimes I like to call it patience instead of fear, though. The areas of my life that I am most desperate to make breakthroughs in all have the same thing in common. I'm currently being "patient."

Background

Years ago I was working at a company that was laying off a lot of people. The role I was in at the time wasn't a good place for me to be. An assertive, extroverted buddy of mine said I should go to the VP's office and let him know I would be a better fit elsewhere. My buddy was right, of course, but I chose to do nothing. And got laid off. 

My Fear

The things that I worry about the most right now are things that feel like they're out of my control. They are things that I am being "patient" in. I'm working hard in the background hoping to get noticed, but not making any noise in the foreground. This includes a few relationships that I'm patiently clinging to as well as my professional and spiritual goals.

The Problem

In that early story, I lost my job. That's a bad thing. But as a result I found a career that fit me a lot better. That's a good thing. In fact, once I found another job, my career somehow fast-tracked and made up for lost time. Then the company I worked for shut down. That's a bad thing. But I landed a new job within a month. That's a good thing. And at the new job I got some incredible technical depth and met a couple of people that now mean quite a lot to me.

So why do I put up with my own inaction? Because my life is so incredible right now in spite of my own hesitations. God has been so good to me, and I trust that He will lead me where I need to go. When He wants me to act, I'll act. My prayer is that my heart and eyes are open to His prompting, and that I continue to have the courage to act when called. 

Is that just an excuse to continue living in fear?

Insist

Trust 30 Challenge, Day 11

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

At this point in my life I don't think I need to transform into a newborn me. I have already been transformed. The rest of my life will be a process of embracing this transformation. 

My kids switched schools two years ago. Since that move I have seen an astounding change in them. What's wild is that they haven't changed into someone different than who they already were. They have become more fully themselves. This is an ongoing process in me, too.

I believe my "uniqueness" is to live out my faith in Christ in a way that bucks tradition. One example is that I choose to love, not to judge. Here's a thought...you may remember that in Genesis God created the rainbow as a symbol of His covenant with Noah after the flood. Every time we see a rainbow we are to remember that He loves us and, no matter how bad things look, He isn't going to wipe out the human race. Now look at a Pride parade. Rainbows everywhere. Is our response, as Christians, to be angry that they hijacked this symbol? Or is it for us to look at them and realize that God loves each and every one of them as much as He loves us? Maybe they didn't hijack the symbol at all, maybe He filled that movement with rainbows for a reason. Hmmmmm. 

I'm not saying that choosing to love is easy (or that I'm an expert). And loving is different than endorsing. I have a lot of Christian friends that are making poor, non-Biblical decisions in their lives. Honestly, so am I. Debt, gluttony, porn addiction, love of money...the potential list goes on and on. And yet these are typically overlooked and even joked about while welcoming each other to church. We love each other through it, accepting without condemnation but also without necessarily condoning. With those we're closest to we may feel comfortable with a confrontation, but those are pretty rare.  I'm saying let's take it a step further and love those that we are supposed to be against. In fact, I insist on it.

My Message - Pursue

Trust30 - Day 10

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

Many readers will probably click away with my next sentence. There's more to this whole God thing than you realize. Humanity has twisted and abused religion for so many years it can take a lot to break through the hurt and find the truth. But the truth is there for those that earnestly seek it. God is bigger than you can imagine. 

I know I can't use my logic and wit to persuade anyone to look to God again. We each have our own road before us and your quest will not look like mine at all.  I can't tell you what your next step will be. I encourage you to take it, though. Even if you think you're a Christian. Especially if you think you're a Christian.

This whole God thing isn't only about where you go when you die. When you find Jesus, He brings you to life RIGHT THEN. The apostle Paul repeatedly uses phrases like "You were dead because you were apart from Him, but now you are alive." He's not talking to people that are in Heaven. Your new life starts here and now.

I'm not one to say everything's perfect all the time, I still have my ups and downs. But the life I've lived since I found Christ goes beyond words.  I used to think I was free because I could do anything I wanted...that Christians were boring and stuffy. Now that I've found true freedom in Christ I look back at my old life and can see the shackles and bars that held me. 

My message: pursue God. Question everything you think you know about God. Revisit the scriptures with an open mind. Please read the Bible, but feel free to read the Quran, Tao Te Ching, Book of Mormon, the Upanishads, the teachings of Buddha, the Vedas, or any other Holy book you wish. The true God is bigger than your questions, and if you honestly seek Him, you will find Him.  My belief is that an honest and humble quest will lead you to the truth.  And the truth will set you free.

Afraid

Trust 30 - Day 9

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

I don't think there's anything that's too scary for me to write about. It's hitting "publish" that's tough. And what's harder still is taking the action in the "real world." So instead of focusing on "what's too scary to write about" I'm going to venture toward "what am I afraid to do?"

I hate conflict. I think the world would be a better place if we all could let go of ourselves a little bit and learn to listen to each other. I believe that if genuinely try to understand each other, most conflict can be resolved. When we see others as individuals instead of as resources, relationships can be built. Community follows from these relationships. And authentic communities can change the world.

Unfortunately, I'm into conflict avoidance instead of conflict resolution. Conflict resolution brings the conflict into the light, exposing it with love, truth, and patience. As much as I want to have happy, healthy relationships, I also don't want to jeopardize a single one. So I'm scared. I avoid anything that could potentially damage a relationship. I'd rather knowingly swallow poison myself than take risk the loss of a relationship with someone I love.

But this can't go on indefinitely.That's what I'm realizing and trying to work through. Pretending the conflict and hurt isn't there is lying. And lying always damages relationships no matter what the intentions behind the lie are. But I'm afraid to make the first move.

5 year radius

Trust 30 day 8

"There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you'll be in five years?

5 years ago:

Hey buddy, you always knew this day would come. I'm future you, coming back for a visit. Your life is going to take some incredible turns. To give anything away would spoil the surprise.  I wouldn't want to miss the beauty of letting life unfold. Persevere, appreciate the journey, and take a few more notes along the way.

5 years from now:

I know you were expecting this, but I wanted to drop by anyway. If you're anything like me you need a little encouragement right now. In life there is joy and there is pain, but the master's hand is guiding everything.  Sometimes it's hard to find the light, but it is always there. Read Philippians again.  Trust God, persevere, appreciate the journey, and take a few more notes than you have been.

Be Bold?

Trust 30 Challenge Day 7 : Dare to Be Bold

The question (with a little editing for the sake of brevity)

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The rest of the intro by Matt Cheuvront is here 

What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle. 

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

The Response

Like many of the other Trust30 challenge writers I've been reading, I'm already working/living toward the dream.

What have I always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue?

Trick question.  Choosing to pursue is the accomplishment.  I started life seeking awards, rewards, and pieces of paper.  Once earned they still leave something missing inside.  So I shoot higher.  But higher goals aren't the answer.  Publishing a book, having a million dollars in my checking account, or traveling the world will not fill that spot.  That doesn't mean those are worthless, it just means I can't hope for those things to complete us.

Living on faith in God while pursuing Him is the answer.  I feel like a broken record, but since I've put my own agenda aside and have instead pursued Christ and His will for my life, two things have happened:

1. Life has been sweet and fulfilling.  Much more so than I ever expected in my wildest dreams.  That empty spot stays full most of the time.
2. About 90% of the dreams I had for myself (that I had let go of) have come to fruition.  Each one a miracle. Most I didn't even ask for, they just happened. Things I had given up on years ago.  It's mind blowing.

Do I still have dreams?  Absolutely.  Even more now than before Christ found me.  I believe that God has given me a glimpse of what is to come in my life and it's a complete turn from what I'm doing now.  I have no idea how it will come about, but I trust Him.  In this one thing, this one dream, I am patient.  I don't see how I will get from here to there, but I just walk the road.  One step at a time, trusting the path.

Obstacles

My biggest obstacles are consequences of past mistakes.  Primarily debt.  Without this burden I'd be free to give even more away.  I'd have more freedom to pursue.  But these are debts that I owe, so I diligently pay them off.  I am fortunate to have a wife that has come to hate debt as much as I do...we knocked most of it out in 2010.  The rest (except the house) goes in 2011.  This is another area that God has worked in our lives...we began faithfully honoring him with every dollar that comes into our house and as a result paid of almost all of 20 years of accumulated debt in about a year.  God can do that when you let Him.

Tangible Plan

My tangible plan is to take my relationship with God to deeper levels.  I still doubt it when I feel Him directing me...it typically takes 3 nudges before I move.  I need to learn to recognize His direction more quickly. Not out of fear that He'll punish me...it's more that where He leads me is always incredible.

My plan is to continue to pursue Him by deliberate prayer time, worship, studying His word, and building a community of believers that seek the same thing.  And I won't stop talking about how awesome my God is.

It's an active process, not just sitting back waiting for Him to work. But the end result is life changing and eternal. And bold?  A life that is truly based on faith in God is as bold as it gets.

Preparing To Live vs. Coming Alive

Trust 30 Writing Challenge : Day 6

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

This may sound crazy but I've been through this exercise a few times.  I've applied it to my life.  I can't claim to have applied it perfectly, but a big part of my life is choosing to live deliberately.  That's why the kids don't play soccer.  That's why we don't have a million TV channels.  That's why, as a family, we chose to build relationships instead of seeking escapes from life.

The first time the writing bug hit me hard was right after my first son was born.  A big part of this was realizing that the hectic pace of life that I was already on was not the kind of life I wanted to live and wasn't what I wanted for my kids.  I looked at those around me that were on the same path and I realized I longed for something different.  "More stuff" wasn't the answer.  A bigger house or bigger paycheck wasn't going to bring happiness and the pursuit was killing me.  I was working for a hot company in a hot industry...the sky was the limit.  And I walked away.  Not in the sensible "I got a better job so I'm outta here" kind of way.  I simply walked away.  Sold the house and moved 250 miles north (back home).  Worked a few odd jobs and did a lot of manual labor while pretending to work on a novel.  Discovered I didn't have the self discipline to write professionally.

Returning to the workforce had its challenges, but it was done deliberately as well (if not quickly).  With the work I've done since then, I've been able to find a purpose to what I do.  I've been challenged and I've been able to develop some incredible relationships with people.  But even now, with my "dream job" in hand, I realize that this is part of a process.  I'm not working so that I can have more stuff, a shinier car, or a bigger house.  This job does not define me...it is a means, but that doesn't mean it's unnecessary.  For me to thrive at it I still need it to be full of significance, but I recognize now that what I do from 8 to 5 (or since I'm an IT Security guy it could actually include more than that) is possibly the least important part of my life.

So, if I had one week to live what would I stop doing?  Well, I wouldn't go to work...not because I dislike my job.  I've just got some vacation time coming and would spend my last week with friends and family as much as possible.  I'd actually volunteer some...the brief times I've spent with the homeless and hungry has been life altering and significant.  Yes, there are a few relationships that I'd try to improve/reconcile by openly sharing my heart.  I'd spend a lot of time strumming and singing, those times have always been so special.  I'd continue to pursue God until my dying breath.

And I'd write.  I have a couple of writing projects bouncing around in my head that I would like to leave to my kids.  I don't write to become rich or famous, I write because I must write.  I feel like my writing is raw and that I need a lot more practice.  I wouldn't get that in a week.  But to take this #Trust30 exercise and continue it will help me grow.  Pray that I get these projects out before my last seven days.

The truth is, and maybe it's the point of this exercise, but most of us never know when our last 7 will be.  It is likely that there are people out there tonight diligently working on their day 6 writing project that will not see day 7.  Life is all too brief to spend much time preparing to live.  Don't waste your life.  Just live.   And live deliberately.

Post it note (Revisited)

Trust30 Challenge - Revisiting Day Three

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

My Post-It Note question was "How can I stay both Passionate and Patient?" It's been 48 hours so it's time to revisit...

Although "quite reserved" on the outside at first glance, my life is driven by my passions.  If I'm not passionate about something I don't tend to pursue it.  This doesn't mean I just blindly follow my emotions or simply seek pleasure in everything I do.  For me passion can be a long-term thing...in fact if passion is directed at the appropriate things the long term benefits can be mind-blowing.  I've experienced this in my career, my wife, my kids, and now my God.  I have to mention that when I passionately pursue myself (if that makes sense) then life falls apart.

My life these days is shaped by these passionate pursuits.  After spending my life as a adamant and deliberate atheist who would only change his mind if shown verifiable proof of God's existence, I must admit that I have now seen proof that has eliminated all doubts.  But the ironic thing is that first I believed, then I saw.  And no, I wasn't brainwashed.  But that pursuit of God has been very passionate and fulfilling.  The fire burns hot, and it hasn't burned out.

The latest quest I've been on is to build a community of passionate believers.  It sounds like a simple task living in the middle of the Bible belt.  What I find repeatedly is that authentic community requires authentic people.  This authenticity only comes with openness and trust which are things our culture seems to avoid.  Many times it seems as though "Christians" I encounter have a "church mask" they wear when around me but they don't have that passion that I need to see reflected in the people around me. Church is somewhere they go out of habit.  I so desperately want to see what happens when we get 8 to 10 people together that think about God more than they think about TV.  How powerful would that be, how much could we change the world for the better? That's where I need patience.

The answer for me, like it often is, is perspective.  My wife and I started dating over 20 years ago.  To look back at how far we've come and what we've lived through is amazing.  And it's not like looking at accomplishment like at an award ceremony...it goes much deeper than that.  There is art in the process.  Through the joy and the pain, underlying all of it, there is a larger picture being painted that goes beyond beauty.  But the journey is as important as the destination.  In fact, the journey never ends -- it's vital that we see it and appreciate it.  Instead of looking forward to "someday" --  appreciate today. When it comes to the things I'm passionate about now, it's vital that I remember to lose myself in the journey, appreciating it every step of the way.  I trust God.  It takes time for lives to be shaped, my own as well as those around me.  The process to this point has been a work of art, a beautiful tapestry that I could not have designed or predicted.

When I trust Him, He will weave my life into something beyond my wildest expectations.  That's what I need to put on my new post-it note.  That's what I need to see every day.

Travel (and Trust)

Today's writing prompt from: http://ralphwaldoemerson.me/chris-guillebeau

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

My parents did a pretty good job of showing me the country.  I have fond memories of Washington D.C., St. Louis, Florida (NASA and Disney), Missouri, and all over Colorado.  As much as I love living in the heat and topologically challenged area of middle America that I'm in, I love to see everything else too.  About 7 years ago I made a list of places I wanted to see...it included Antarctica, China, Machu Picchu, Alaska (puddle jumping with a bush pilot), and a number of other adventurous destinations.  The original list is lost to time, but the undying call of "all there is" remains.

The simple fact is that there is a lot of the world left for me to see.  These days it feels like this longing is simply an echo of the deeper spiritual quest that I am on...a quest to learn more about our Creator by experiencing His creation.  I've taken two cruises, one to Alaska and one in the Gulf of Mexico.  These two could not have been more drastically different, but during both I saw the fingerprints of God everywhere.  I saw it again on my trip last summer to Colorado.  God is present everywhere in the mountains.  In fact, all He has created is so incredible it is tempting to fall in love with the creation rather then the creator.  Ah, the thrill and challenge of being human.

I believe that when we stay in the same place all the time, we tend to lose sight of those fingerprints. Humans really aren't that different from sharks, we have to keep moving forward in order to stay alive.  We just don't always realize it.  This reminds me of HDT encouraging us to "live deliberately" or Braveheart saying "Every man dies.  Not every man truly lives."  That's the challenge of life...to cast off the comforts of complacency and choose to live, to act, to move.

I've always been one to stare into the stars longingly.  I love to see things that are majestic...I long for the Grand Tetons, the Black Hills, Cape Cod, the White Cliffs of Dover, waterfalls in South America, Victoria Falls in Africa, the Great Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Louvre...the list is endless.

What do I do to get me there?  There are a lot of little things and a few big things.  At this time in my life we're getting out of debt as quickly as we can and working to live a simpler life.  The long term effect of this will be to allow us freedom and flexibility "some day" when it's time for us to do some big traveling.  Until then, we enjoy taking the kiddos on smaller trips...Missouri, Colorado, Texas, and Florida.  While doing all that, I continue to trust God in everything.  I trust that He will lead us where He wants us to be.  And, against all odds (but His), my wife and I are going to Brazil this July. We'll be seeing different stars then we ever have before (the stars are different in the Southern Hemisphere), experiencing new things together, making new friends, impacting the world in His name, and reuniting with a dear friend (pictured).  This trip to Brazil sums up my spiritual walk for the past 4 years...trust Him and He'll blow you away.

Post it note

Trust30 day four.
"identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment and turn it into a question. Write it on a post it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door.  After 48 hours,  journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them."

Here is my note.  I'll write about it on Sunday.

*I am updated this post with new screen grabs from my phone.... Hopefully this will be more legible!

My Belief

#trust30 day 3

"What's one strong belief you possess that isn't shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?"

This is possibly the most challenging question that could be asked of me today.  I've been blessed that my closest friends and closest family share most of my strong beliefs.  I'd love to write something profound and noble today, about how I believe in the intrinsic value of every person on earth.  That no one is beyond forgiveness and redemption.  Every one of us is significant. There is hope for everyone, no matter what you've been through...what you've done or what's been done to you.  But the people I am closest to believe this too. So I have to go deeper inside myself.  This is about truth, right?

I grew up as an objectivist, embracing the philosophy of Ayn Rand.  The foundational concepts of self-reliance, logic, and accepting reality as it is based on objective evidence resonates with my soul.  One of the basic tenents is that "contradictions don't exist".  If two ideas seem to conflict then one (or both) must be wrong.  There aren't shades of truth, there is such thing as ultimate truth that can be discovered through objective analysis of facts.  This makes so much sense that to me it's hard to believe it even needs to be stated out loud.

Then, relatively late in my life for an Okie boy, Christ entered my life. As I learned more about Him, a number of things that appeared to be contradictions were revealed to me.  For example, in order to have life to the fullest, you must die to yourself.  To be first, you must be last. In order to be victorious, you must surrender.  To find love in a way that will fill you, you must be completely selfless.  Each of those are ideas I'd love to expore on this blog because as an analytical/logical person that grew up and Objectivist that hated religion but found Christ at 32 I believe I have a pretty unique perspective.  But today's question isn't about a truth that Christ gave us, it is about my own strong belief.

I bring this up because my strong belief that isn't share by those around me is a contradiction within myself.  See, although I believe everything I stated above about YOU, I don't believe any of it about myself.  I spend a lot of my time searching for significance within myself, searching for that thing God wants me to do. But I never measure up.  Although I could compile an objective list of evidence of my own intelligence, I don't feel like anything I've done has been very unique or special.  I haven't achieved anything that anyone else couldn't have done equally well (or better) had they tried.

Yes, my unique and strong belief is in my own mediocrity.  Within me I have an almost crippling fear of failure yet I'm also my own worst critic.  This can be a deadly combination.  I have an undying need to reach the world.  But any time I reach out by writing, teaching, volunteering, or attempting to change the world for the better, all I see afterwards are the mountains of evidence screaming out about how insignificant and ineffective my efforts were.  The tendrils of this work their way into every crevice of my life. 

So, to finish thoroughly answering the question...what "inspires" this belief?  As I've progressed through my spiritual journey I've come to understand that each of us is broken in some way.  In some the outward manifestation of this is a negative habit or addiction.  Some people become power hungry, manipulative, or abusive.  Some allow themselves to be used by others in order to feel loved.  And this is my brokenness.  Everyone feels it in some way.  It's a longing deep inside that cannot seem to be filled no matter how desperately we try.  I see it everywhere, in everyone.  I would even go so far as to say filling this broken place is what ultimately drives the direction of our lives.  My own feelings of incompleteness, of insignificance, drive me to want to be significant.  I want to matter.  I crying out to be known by someone.  Yet I feel unknowable.  And my biggest obstacle is me.