Redeemed

Murder. Pain. Loss.

The past can be a weight. The magnitude of the tragedy overwhelming. Every time your eyes close, you see their faces. Sons taken too soon. The anger rises anew. Lost jobs are insignificant compared to the lost loved ones. Lost freedom. But you go on.

I met him on a trip. He was hired to do construction. We were building a church. We were also building THE church.

North and South Americans stacked concrete blocks, threw cement, painted walls, and tiled a roof. Shoulder to shoulder, they joyfully toiled from sunrise to sunset until everyone was exhausted. Christians and non-Christians alike, simply working with and loving each other.

Each day on the long walk home, he would pick up scrap wood. Someday his house would have real walls. A roof. Someday.

But God... God is a rescuer. He is a redeemer.

"...the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners" Isaiah 61:1

Late in the week a decision was made. A decision for Christ. And life became new. Restored. Redeemed.

Embraced by both the savior and His church, something special was found. Forgiveness. Community. Reconciliation. Hope. Life.

His house now has a roof. And walls. His precious family is safer than they have been in years. Because of a church? Because of THE church? Because of the redeemer! Jesus reached out through the obedient workers. The light of Jesus was shining through them all week. It drew him. It gave him a new hope and a new community. And the trajectory of six precious lives changed forever. For eternity.

Show me (state) agape

Agape love. The highest of the types of love talked about in the Bible. Selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.

Right now there's a young lady writing an essay for English class. The topic is Redeeming Love. Her theme is agape love. She's sitting right across from me, struggling to find the words.

As I sit here typing this post, she's asking an occasional question. I help out when I can, but mostly I sit here and write. I'm typing here in order to give her room to find her own words. Sometimes I can't help but write. But when it comes to love, we've all got to find our own voice. Our own words. So I give her space.

So what does a 17 year old Missouri girl know about agape love?

As she types, does she realize how surrounded she is by what she's writing about? Teachers at school and at church. Friends. Us. Her. God.

She's telling me stories. It's just snippets from a book, but it's so clear. The purest love is the most powerful force in the universe. It changes lives. It changes eternities. It has changed me.

We're just beginning this journey. There are a million different paths this adventure could take us down.

Yes, love is powerful. But there is always risk associated with love. There is a vulnerability required. It'll break your heart. Every. Single. Time. This is going to break my heart. I already know. But it's still worth it. It's worth living for and it's worth every sacrifice.

Every. Single. Time.

Finding words

God has been so good to me. He has carefully cultivated relationships in my life. He brought an incredible woman into my life and taught us how to fearlessly, sacrificially, and unconditionally love each other as only spouses can. He has blessed me with two of the most incredible and inspiring sons that a father could ever hope to have. I find myself surrounded by a remarkable and tight-knit community of believers that aren't scared of authenticity and a little bit of crazy faith. I experience an astounding awe daily when I look around at the connections that God has put into my life. Deep and meaningful relationships. They believe in me. I believe in them. I've longed for this all my life and here it is. An unrealistic dream brought to life.

I thought my heart was full. It was overflowing with praise, love, grace, concern, and compassion. Although it's often messy, these experiences are deep and real. Ever present. Overwhelming in a good way.

But God wasn't done. See, my God isn't silent. He is a bold, over-the-top kind of God.

He has been showing me for a few years that our family isn't a family of four. It's bigger than that. It's not complete yet. I've been prepared for and open to what's to come. At least I thought I was. I would tell God, "use our family, use our house. Use our love. Use our lives. Lead the lost or abandoned to us. Make the path clear. We are willing." In my mind, I expected to find a baby on our doorstep someday.

I received a phone call while on a layover in the Denver airport. "K" needed a place. She's a very sweet 17 year old girl about to start her senior year of high school. The details of her story aren't for me to reveal. Without hesitation, without even a twinge of doubt, the answer was yes. There was no doubt this is at least part of what God has been preparing us for.

Like you would expect, once "K" moved in reality hit. Unlike what you'd expect, it has been natural and seamless. She fits beautifully into our house and our family, bringing new life where I never even realized it has been missing. It's like she was always meant to be with us.

I thought my heart was full. Since that phone call, it has swelled. It feels like it is simultaneously bursting and breaking. Overflowing with love for this new daughter I never knew I needed. Breaking at the thought of the time together we haven't had but grateful for the future that is in front of us. Bursting with laughter while wrestling with an aspect of fatherhood I didn't expect to experience. Delighting in the joy of emotions that keep surfacing unexpectedly. On one hand, suddenly having a 17 year old daughter is like learning to swim by jumping into the deep end of the ocean. On the other, when God makes these connections happen it all just works.

All I can say is welcome to the family, sweetie. We don't really live inside much of a comfort zone and I hope you're okay with that. We're a bit crazy here. This is the kind of crazy that draws us nearer to God. It's good to be this kind of crazy.

Start Experiment: Round Two

Hello friends. If there's one thing I want you to know about me, it's that I believe in you. I mean that, too. I believe in you.

That's really all that's important. If you're curious, though...

I've had a love/hate relationship with writing for a number of years. I was blogging in '99 before the term was invented. I started a novel then, too. It fizzled after about 70 pages, leaving deep wounds that drove me away from the craft. A few years later I started to blog. And teach (developing my own curriculum). And more blogs (now I have 5, none of which are maintained regularly).

Round one of the Jon Acuff's Start Experiment found me in an interesting place. Way back in January of 2012 I taught a three week series in church. A few months later, God showed me that my next step was to turn it into a book. He gave me the outline. If that sounds weird to you, join the club. It sounded weird to me too. But it's true.

For a year and a half, I said no. Send me overseas, call me to love the unlovable, that's all fine. Just don't make me write. He kept thumping me upside the head, making it more and more clear that I'm supposed to write this thing. So I have been. As far as I know, the book is supposed to be 9 chapters. I tried to finish 3 for round one. Didn't quite get there, but I got really close. I made way more progress than I ever thought possible. I established some awesome habits thanks to the Experiment and the support of my new friends.

My advice, if you're interested...write. Disrupt your scheduled as much as you need to, just write. I'm a night owl that has been getting up at 5AM for the past 24(ish) days. That time is truly sacred. I have an awesome family that I love to spend time with in the evenings. I have a day job that doesn't relate to writing much at all. It's important to carve out and guard that precious time in the morning.

More advice...find people to connect with. It's a proven fact that dreams can die of loneliness. Be as interested in someone else's dream as you are in yours. You can't fight for someone else's dream, but you can feed it and nurture it along. When you do that, you'll inexplicably discover your own dreams transforming rapidly into reality.

Brace yourself for awesome. You can do it. I believe in you.

1 in 1000

There's this guy I know. He's real into self-preservation. Don't get me wrong, he likes to be around people. He's real friendly and everything. But he is guarded. I would say he has a different mask for each occasion, but it's more like one really futuristic mask that changes color and shape on the fly. It keeps the important stuff hidden and safe.

Yeah, he's pretty well protected inside the walls he's built. Never lets anyone inside. See, there's a little kid in there that is still alone and scared. That guy is protecting that little kid. If he opens the door, shining light into his deepest hopes and dreams, some of that light might fall onto his insecurity and fears as well. So he keeps everything locked up tight.

This other guy I know is the opposite. Wears his heart on his sleeve. His friends think he's pretty naive... he takes people at their word. When he meets someone new, he looks them in the eye. Deeply. He looks into their soul and invites them into his. Once in a blue moon, he connects with another naive dreamer. Someone who isn't afraid to love fearlessly.

Love fearlessly? Don't get confused here, this is important. I'm not talking about lust or romance. I'm talking about something deeper than that. When you get it, you connect at a level that goes beyond words. It can be love of a friend, brother, sister, parent, spouse, or child. Fearless love doesn't just break down walls, it makes them disappear so completely it's like they never existed. That's where true freedom lives.

Most people can't do it. It leaves them too vulnerable. The few that can are only successful to varying degrees. So what do you do? Do you hold onto that hope, waiting for someone else to take the first step? By no means. You dive in whenever you can, to whatever degree that you can. Love without fear, condition, or reservation. I'm not gonna lie to you...it'll break your heart 999 times out of 1000. The 999 will leave you with incredible stories of adventure, struggle, overcoming, hope, new life, redemption, failure, isolation, and brokenness. But that one...number 1000...that one makes it all worth it. Every time.

When dreams die

“A vision without action is just a dream; an action without vision just passes time; a vision with an action changes the world.” - Nelson Mandela

I recently connected with 23 people. We are different ages and different walks of life, all united because we are dreamers. Some of us may even be visionaries. We were brought together and challenged to take our vision and put some action behind it. Change the world.

The visions vary in size. Some are personal, like loosing weight or getting in shape. Some are job focused, like being a better manager or finding that elusive job that will blossom into a career. Some sound crazy, like playing catch with the president or spending 24 hours in prayer.

Each dream is important, though. Each one is a living, breathing thing. They need to be nurtured and fed, especially when they are just learning to walk. As they get stronger, they gain momentum. The dreamer suddenly isn't stuck anymore. Instead of coaxing their dream along, they find themselves running to keep up. It's a beautiful thing.

Each of us have limited time that we can put into these efforts. It isn't like someone is paying us to do all the hustling that is required to turn vision into reality. For each of us, some level of sacrifice is required. For me, I've been getting up a couple of hours early every morning so I can write. I can't say it's been easy. The mornings aren't bad, but the nights are kind of tough. But it's been worth it. Feeding your dreams are always worth it.

I just sent in a two-week status update of our challenge. There were only nine project updates. Each of those nine had incredible updates, even the ones that said "not a lot of progress this week, but I'm hanging in there." Forward progress, no matter how small, is always beautiful. It's motivating and inspiring to watch. But I can't help but wonder about the other 14. What happened to their dreams this week?

See, I know that if you fail to feed your dreams, they tend to atrophy and die. God made each of us unique, and not everyone is a dreamer. Having witnessed the birth of such beautiful dreams, it is sad to think that so many died so young.

Did those dreams die?

One Failure

My challenge for today is to let go of one failure. I hate failure. I avoid it whenever possible.

The truth is, I have failed at many things. Large and small. I fail at things every day. My awareness of my own failures may be one of the reasons I'm so addicted to and appreciative of radical, outrageous grace. Which leads me to the failure that I need to let go of tonight.

Love. I fail so miserably at love. My relationship and experience with God has lead me to an understanding of unconditional love. It's the most life-changing, transformational, and powerful force in the universe. It's the ultimate answer to the old "WWJD" bracelets. Jesus would love. Unconditionally. No matter what.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. To be honest, though, I'd rather teach or write about unconditional love than actually get out there and do it. I choose "safe" over "all in" way too often. It's much cleaner to split hairs between what love really looks like, rationalizing our tendencies to stay detached from messy situations. Ultimately, I spend more time discussing love and justifying inaction than taking bold steps of unconditional love.

At some level, though, that's the point. I'm continually stumbling and falling down. The realization of my own failure in this doesn't make me feel pitiful or worthless. Instead, it drives me right back into the arms of Jesus. Like so many other people that have found themselves there, He picks me back up, demonstrating what unconditional love really looks like, and then encourages me to get back in the game.

Realizing that helps me to understand the potential depths of love a little more. I can live with that.

Lost shades

My shades and I in Gravatai, Brazil 2011

I lost my sunglasses yesterday. They were old. The lenses were scratched. Superglue held the rubber nose pieces in place. In just the last two weeks I had been thinking about getting a new pair. But that's not the point. I hate to lose things. Maybe I'd eccentric, maybe I'm mental. But I hate to lose things.

This past week was awesome. Jon Acuff's great (and top secret) "Start Experiment" kicked off Monday. I woke up at 5AM every day and wrote, wrote, wrote. Our small group of local STARTers (props to group #60) has inspired each other while kicking our own goals in the pants. But Saturday I lost my sunglasses.

Because of my eccentricities (or insanity), this awesome week almost became defined by my loss, not by my gains. One thousand incredible experiences, a renewed walk with God, a handful of new and incredible friends were almost overshadowed by shades. Almost.

Walking the street of Queluz

Today, my task is to make a quit list. Things I can quit today to free up more time, energy, or hope for my dream.

With Milton and Ricardo in Gravatai 2011

1. Stop letting temporary, trivial, or insignificant things overshadow the awesome, life-changing, or even ordinary things in life. Let. It. Go.
2. Quit the negative self-talk. My wife is my biggest fan, speaking words of encouragement into my life daily. She needs some support, so I think I'll help her out. My action step: find one promise of God in the Bible every morning and then keep it in my head all day.
3. Quit participating in gossip. Last week was so good that I became much more aware of the negative talk around me. I realized that I normally participate in it. Talking about others is an energy drain, unless we are bragging on them.

Yeah, I'm sentimental. Those glasses had been with me to Brazil. Twice. I wore them everywhere. I've walked miles and miles with them on my head or my face. The thing is, those glasses aren't the memory. Those shades weren't the experience. They were just a $10 pair of Walmart shade. Those experiences were awesome, the memories were awesome, walking with God was awesome. Those shades were just shades.

In an old cemetery in Queluz, 2012

Check yourself

Shine!

On day one of Jon Acuff's Start Experiment, he challenged us to take an action step toward our goal. For some reason I thought he meant just one for day one. Apparently he meant one that we could repeat every day! 

This was my response:

"My action step for today is to write a blog post about Day One. It will be called 'Side effects' and I'll post it to my blog before I shut down for the night. Tomorrow I'll be up at 5 to work on the book."

Before unpacking the challenge, a few observations:

1. More leads to more. Whether following God or in writing, the more action I take, the deeper it gets. The more prolific my writing gets and the more profound my God gets. 
2. Perspiration is more important than inspiration. Although I don't like to believe that, Old Ben was right (that's Franklin, not Kenobi).

At first glance, it looks like my action step was to write one blog post. Looking back on the week, the goal (if I am allowed to set goals retroactively) was to get up at 5AM and work on the book every day.

The experience of this week has taught me that it is possible to disrupt the comfort of my own life in order to make room for pursuing God and the work He has set before me. As of this morning, the word count in the book is about 5600. Three weeks ago it was 0. Sunday night it was about 1200. That seems like a good start to me. Right now I've got some incredible momentum.

Additionally, this week my life has become deeper and more rich. The relationships I've made this week with other dreamers and visionaries has been incredible. I woke up at four o'clock on Friday morning to have breakfast with four other people that are not only outrageous dreamers but also outrageous doers. Intention will get you nowhere. That magical intersection of vision and hustle is the sweet spot that we crave. Being surrounded by people like that is extremely motivating and inspirational. If I hadn't been getting up a 5 on Monday through Thursday, there's no way I would've made it to that breakfast on Friday. In a way, it was like a reward for the obedience of the week.

Which leads to the more important area of the week. For me, writing this book is an act of obedience to God. By actually doing it, I've rediscovered a nearness to Him that has been eluding me in the last few months. Sitting down with a Bible, a prayer, and a blank page has led me to incredible new insight into God. It has been delightful diving into Job and Genesis with fresh eyes this week and following where He leads. On one hand, I'd love to share it with the world, but on the other I know that if this persistence act of obedience is simply between me and God then that is sufficient.

In addition to the book, have I written more this week? After all, that was the heart of the first part of that action step. My response is yes, but not over the top or outrageously. This is the third post on this blog this week, which is definitely above average. I did transcribe another very short post for my dog Pete this week as well. Privately, I've spent quite a bit of time (and words) writing email to my new friends. I've done a little bit of analog journaling this week as well.

Was week one awesome? Check. What action goals can I set for week two? I will continue to get up at 5AM and write. It's amazing what it is like to begin writing in that open space that is found in the darkness before the sun rises. Additional goals are to write at least one blog post on each of my (5) blogs.

What fear fears

Week one of Jon Acuff's ambitious "Start Experiment" is wrapping up. About 2,400 people courageously volunteered to pursue their dream with a newfound boldness and vigor for 24 straight days. It's time to ignore all that fear and all those excuses that can be paralyzing.

One of the funny things about fear is that there are so many things that scare it. For example, a community of friends that are all courageous enough to not only take bold action against their own fear, but battle to help others conquer it too. Apparently fear also isn't an early riser. I woke up at five every day this week and started busting tail. Some days fear didn't show up at all. 

One of the most powerful ways to battle fear, though, is with truth. Today's lesson (or challenge) in the Start Experiment is to fight each item in my "fear list" with a sentence of truth. 

It's late. I'm tired. I had such great plans for this list. But, in the long run it's more important to have this done than it is to have it perfect.

Fear: I'm not good enough.

Fact: I have been lead to where I am and prepared for the task at hand. 

 

Fear: I'm not experienced enough

Fact: I've been writing for years. My problem is not with experience, it is with hustle.

Fear: I'm not qualified to write about this

Fact: Write what you know. Life experience matters more than classroom time or a piece of paper.

Fear: I don't have time to write, edit, or finish

Fact: I set the alarm early 5 days this week (so far.) Off the cuff I would estimate I wrote close to 3000 words in the book, even though I had other plans 2 mornings. Those are facts, not theories. The time is there, ready to be filled.

Fear: The structure of the book is wrong.

Fact: so what. The content is what counts, the structure is flexible. Copy, paste, edit the transitions.

Fear: Once the book is done, it will need a complete rewrite.

Fact: nonsense. Edits, yes. Rewrite...that's silly.

Fear: I will run out of words.

Fact: this has never happened. I know from experience that the more I write, the more I write. It doesn't go the other way.

Fear: I'm feeding my own ego instead of pursuing God's will.

Fact: He started this, He will see it through. Like everything else He has led me through, my job is to humbly seek and follow Him.

Fear: I'll fail again.

Fact: Only if I listen to fear.

Fear: I'll sacrifice too much. Family, marriage, health, friendships.

Fact: My family and friends are the best. Not only do they love me and support all my crazy dreams, they are wise enough and courageous enough to tell me when I'm veering away from the important things in life.

(Written hastily from my iPhone as I hustle off to bed)

Side Effects

I woke up this morning at 5AM. It was raining. For some reason I was shocked to learn that it was still pitch black outside that early.

Start!

Let me step back a minute... I've been a fan of Jon Acuff for a few years now. As part of the release for his new book, Start, he has kicked off a "Start Experiment." He is assembling a community of people that are passionate about their dreams but have maybe put their dreams aside. The book is all about hustle, ignoring fears, and taking bold steps toward your dream. So today, on day one, I got up at 5. In the morning.

My "project" is something very dear to me. It's so close to my heart that I haven't talked to many people about it. It might even sound crazy. Wait a second, did that sound a little like fear creeping in?

I've seen God do incredible things in the last five years. There was an incredible patch in late 2011 when I went on my first mission trip (Brazil). Shortly after was a volunteer chaplain at the state fair, ministering and loving the carnies. During that time I was developing Sunday School curriculum. I was also leading worship and small groups in a recovery ministry. A few other things too. God was so real then. I could sense Him with every breath I took. Every time I heard God ask me to move, I would move. Then I stopped.

God gave me a book. Well, first He gave me a Sunday School series, like He always does. But once it was over, it was pretty clear that it was supposed to turn into a book. The three week series was to grow into a three part book. There was an outline. A title. A bow on top. But I resisted.

My life has still been incredible. I still see God at work in me, through me, and around me. But it isn't quite the same. I'm not breathing in grace and breathing out praise. I'm not saying "Yes, Lord" to EVERYTHING anymore. I haven't started that book. Until now.

Today was day one of the Start Experiment. I got up at 5AM. I couldn't watch the lovely birds outside my window while I was working because it was still dark. And raining. But I could write. And I did. And it was good. It was freeing.

After that, I tackled the rest of my day. When my wife stumbled out of bed, full of sleepy eyes and bed-head hair, she looked radiant to me. As the kids gave me good-bye hugs it felt like I was on "Leave it to Beaver." I'm living a blessed life. I made it to work slightly later than usual, but managed to get the best parking spot ever. Once inside, the little things that typically to bug me about my job seemed almost delightful. Entertaining, maybe. Either way, they couldn't penetrate this bubble I was in. I took a long walk with a good friend at lunch. The weather was unseasonably perfect. All day long I was simply delighting in life. It was like God was shouting to me, "Trust me! I know what's best, and I'll take care of you. Trust me."

I thought that I was just getting up at 5. Apparently this is what it feels like to step back squarely into God's will. I'd call day one a productive one.

Get real. Please.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Our world is full of things we don't like. It is also full things God doesn't like. I'm afraid we often confuse the two. You know that guy at work that really bugs you? God loves him so much that He sent His only son to die for him. Remember that girl you knew in school that claimed to be a witch? She was fearfully and wonderfully made, stitched together by the hand of God in her mother's womb. God loves her and knows the pain that she holds so deeply in her heart. That dude with all the tattoos that also has the gauges in his ears? The Muslim lady that dresses strange that you see on the bus? The politicians that are running the country into the ground? All children of God, all loved by God, all wanted by God.

When we build walls between "us" and "them" are we doing the work that God set apart for us? And how do we build those walls? We use bricks of judgement, condemnation, and our own secret codes. Secret codes? Yes. Those of us that have dedicated our lives to the worship and service of the being that imagined the beauty and complexity of our universe and then spoke it into existence have somehow traded in creativity for conformity. In His name, of course.

I wonder who "we" think is listening.

Even as someone that is "on the inside" I frequently read Christian books and articles or listen to Christian radio and come away thinking, "was there any substance in that?" It's hard to find the meat. So many things I see seem to be faded carbon copies of things other people wrote or said. It doesn't seem real. And if it doesn't seem real, it just doesn't ring true. 

Instead of painting a picture of an idyllic life full of inspiration and intimacy with God, how about we just do life together--honestly. Open up to the world and show them the truth. We are still human. We are flawed. The only way we're different from that annoying coworker or that practicing witch is the knowledge and relationship we have with our savior. God sustains us. That doesn't make us perfect, so let's stop acting like it does. Pretending everything in our life is perfect drives outsiders away.

Instead of building walls, can we build bridges instead?

Finding God's will

It is human nature to wrestle with finding God's "will". If we take our beliefs seriously, we'd like to please God, right? For Christians, I realize that in a lot of situations the answers are already made clear in the Bible. For example, I doubt many devout Christians wrestle with the decision of whether they should knock over a bank or shoot a stranger. But what about for the more nuanced questions, particularly the ones to which there isn't necessarily a wrong answer?

Should I go to college in state or out of state? Should I stay at my current job or start looking elsewhere? What area of my church should I volunteer in? Should we have another child or should we stop at two?

A friend of mine was talking about this recently and summarized it pretty well... God's will calls me to trust God, have courageous faith, and set aside my own agenda. Those are great standards to set and I can guarantee they will lead to a life of adventure. When done with a heart set on going deeper with God, this method will get you there. For many of us in the United States, that third point might actually be the most difficult. Trusting God and having courageous faith are no problem if we think God will bend to our whims. We so often want God to conform to our own agenda...we aren't willing to die to ourselves and submit to His will.

When I returned from Brazil in 2011, I was faced with a number of opportunities that seemed to be divine. Want to be a chaplain at the State Fair? How about doing a weekly prayer walk in the neighborhood around the church? Use vacation time to attend a conference about reaching unreached and unengaged people groups? Continue the monthly soup kitchen? I needed a way to find answers.

I discovered that for me it meant to look for the path (or choice) that leads to "more God." More trust in God. More faith in God. More experience with God. More dependence on God. More God. Less me. Less of my own fear. Less of my own doubt. Less of my own agenda. Less of my own need for security. Less of my own need for approval from other people.

A missionary I met in Brazil told me that his goal was that in every situation, his response to God would be: "I'm all in. Whatever you ask." His life reflected it, too. By any American standard, he was living a life that was radical. He knew that nothing in his life mattered if Jesus wasn't the center of it all.

Some people think I'm crazy for flying half way across the world to build a chapel and share the gospel. But that's where God has led me, so that is where I'll go. In every other situation, too, I'm always looking for the path that leads to "more God."

Broken reflections

I casually prodded the almost runny scrambled eggs with an old twisted fork, staring into the yellow goo for answers that just wouldn't come. The man sitting across from me told stories of his fractured life. Things aren't good.

He said this. She said that. There were actions that led to accusations that led to arguments that led to war. It is too familiar of a tale. It could be my story. It could be yours. This time, though, it's his. Words that were unthinkable just a few years ago are now the most common. Words like "hate" and "divorce."

As I gazed over my soggy, room-temperature hash browns into those eyes that were so desperately seeking answers, I was surprised by what I saw. Myself. My road has had different twists and turns, but has been a story filled with brokenness followed by redemption.

So I give my friend the answer. It may not be the answer he wants. It is the answer that has never failed me, though. Jesus. Only Jesus.

"I know you want the relationships that meant so much to you to be restored. I understand that you want to be seen as a man an not a monster. The only path out is Jesus. Only Jesus.

Focus on Him. Yield your life to Him. Learn to delight in His word and His presence again, just like in the old days. Remember how when Jesus was all you needed, life made sense? You were blessed beyond expectation. Everything on this world that means anything to you is a byproduct of that close relationship with Jesus. Have you ever been more fully a man than when you were close to him? Did those that knew you best ever call you a monster when your relationship with Christ was at its strongest?

I can't guarantee a happy ending. But if Jesus is the true desire of your heart, you will never be let down.

I know this not because it's the Christian thing to say. I say it because when I look into your soul, I see a reflection of myself. I see my own brokenness and I know we aren't that different. And I know that I need Jesus every second of every day. Life means nothing without Him. Yes, He is our savior, but He is also our sustainer. I tell you to lean on Him because I tell myself that every day."

I don't know how this story ends. I have a prayer. I have a hope. Because of Jesus, my friend does too.

No one is ever beyond redemption. No one is ever beyond hope. No one is ever beyond the reach of Jesus.

Broken Reflections

Broken Reflections

Life can be hard. Things can get messy. It's nearly impossible to live in a relation-vacuum, completely isolated from the brokeness and faults of others.

As I met with and talked to a brother in Christ this weekend, I was reminded of just how insane this world can be. It is so easy to sit in judgement of others. So often we are certain of what is wrong with someone else--what changes they need to make in their lives. But how often do people need a know-it-all in their lives? How often to they need a compassionate ear to listen too?

Listening to the pain in his voice, I wasn't filled with answers. I was filled with compassion. With understanding. Do I approve of all the choices he has made in recent months? No, of course not. But do I approve of all the choices I have made in recent months? No, I don't.

I'm a believer in outrageous, scandelous grace. It is one thing to post that in a profile, share it on social media, or write a blog post about it. It's another to live it out. It isn't possible to do on your own strength. The example we look to for grace is in the life and work of Jesus Christ.

Jesus changed my life. I am not the same man I was just a few years ago. What changed my life was an understanding that Jesus loved me enough to give His life for me while I was still at rock bottom. I didn't clean myself up and then come to Christ. He came to me in the middle of my mess. He wasn't turned away by the hate, filth, and total selfishness that was my life. He saw through all that. He saw my heart as it was designed by God. He saw all I could be, and He believed in me long before I ever believed in Him.

Like my friend, I am broken. We have this in common. We are imperfect people trying to make sense of this world we live in. The answer is Jesus. The answer is always Jesus. The more we talked, the more clear this was. I know where my friend has been. I know how close he has been to Jesus, and I know how distant he has been too. My consistent advice was seek Jesus. Don't try and control your other relationships. Put Jesus first. Focus on that, above all else. He is there. Turn to Him. See how everything else changes.

As we draw nearer to Jesus, the other relationships we have in life may fall away. Some relationships may not be restored on this side of eternity. At some point, we have to accept that this is okay. However, we may also find that in letting go of our need to cling to these broken relationships Jesus is able to work in them in ways that are beyond our comprehension. I am amazed at how many friendships and marriages I've seen healed and restored after all sides gave up and just sincerely sought Jesus, letting Him work in their lives.

Here is something that I know to be true. Any offense others have done to us pales in comparison to how badly we have failed to meet God's standard. Yet He chose forgiveness. He chose torture and death in order to save us. He can reconcile our relationship with Himself. Through grace. Outrageous grace. Scandelous grace.

For six months my brother has been hearing about all the ways he has been messing up. He has been defined and labeld by others. He has received both judgements and consequences for both his thoughts and his actions. The one thing he hasn't been hearing is that God still loves him. He hasn't been hearing that anyone at all loves him.

My role in the converstation was to speak truth into his life. The truth that he is loved. The truth that he is forgiven, even now in the midst of the darkest night of his life. To speak reminders of where we've been, of all the incredible things that Jesus has done in our lives. To remind us of how real those times were. Miracle after miracle that we've seen together. The light in the darkness. The hope to the hopeless. The glorious savior, not just reaching out to us but actively pursuing us.

I spoke to my brother not as a perfect person with everything figured out. I spoke to him as a fellow prisoner, ensnared in my own chains of sin. I may be more comfortable with mine than I am with his, but we are both in chains. I'm just one prisoner helping another to remember what it looks like to have the sun shine on his face. In the son, we have the strength and hope to continue in the fight. Darkness will not prevail.

Never Surrender

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end...we shall never surrender." - Winston Churchill

Many amazing and inspiring people have come in and out of my life. So many incredible men of God have crossed my path in the past few years. It's humbling and incredible. They have played the role of mentor, teacher, counselor, student, or brother.

One of the callings that God has somehow put into me is a passion to reach and minister to people with addictions. As a result, I have become close friends with a few former meth addicts. I hate meth. Meth sucks. It destroys lives. The side effects I've seen in people are permanent and undermine every positive part of life.

Russ (not his real name) was a brother to me. For many, many months, he was always the one that was there when I needed support. When I was struggling and feeling alone, he spoke truth into my life. I'd like to hope I did the same for him. He introduced me and prayed for me when I gave my testimony to recovering addicts. I did the same for him. But then the past crept back in. He grew distant. Gradually, one small step at a time, he slipped away. Consumed by his past. I don't know where he is now. This incredible, transformed man of God that meant so much to me is now gone. Probably forever. The damage from the past was too big of a burden, but he insisted on carrying it alone.

Over the past 6 months I've seen the same start to happen in another brother of mine. This is a man that I would look to for proof of God's life-transforming power. There were many times I doubted the transformation that had happened in me. I thought it would be temporary or that somehow it was fake. When I saw this guy's walk with Christ and heard his testimony, I knew that everything was real. I was close enough to know he wasn't faking. But now, years later, he's bogged down. To say he is backsliding would be an understatement.

I have silently watched him slip away as I have been praying for a phone call from him. Begging for him to reach out to me. Praying for a cry for help. Instead I've only seen taillights in the distance. Now he's almost gone.

So now it's time to pursue. Because that's what love does. Love acts. Love fights. Love rescues. Love never surrenders. I know God hasn't given up. I won't give up either.

Philippians 1:21

A second look?

Many people think Christianity is all about rules. It's about "do this, don't do that." I believed that most of my life, so I can relate. It kept me away for years. That was then, and now I know better.

The time between Palm Sunday and Easter up has been pretty special to me the past few years. In light of all the tension in the news (and in social media) it has been even more powerful this year. I'm amazed at how the message of grace, forgiveness, love, and redemption can so easily be muddled, confused, obscured, and ultimately missed.

I've been looking over these pictures since last week. They are from the first part of the "Passion Week"

presentation that my church is putting on this year. As I review them, I reflect on the joy and healing (physical, mental, and emotional) that are represented. I think about the tragedy and glory of what is to come in part two. It's humbling, moving,  inspiring, and life-changing to realize that God loves me (and you) so much that he went to these incredible lengths to demonstrate that love and to provide a way for us to have a  relationship with him.

This is what I know. God loves you. Jesus conquered death to build a bridge between you and God. He did that knowing that we aren't perfect and never will be. He isn't demanding perfection from us. As an incredible heavenly father, he wants to build a relationship with you, in spite of any fault you might think you have. In spite of any obstacle that you may think makes you unlovable to him. He loves you. Period.

Of course, if you're in the area I'd love for you to join us this week for Part Two at my church.  I'd also love for you to fearlessly join us in my Sunday School class. I'd like to challenge you to test our love, test our grace, see if we're a bunch of judgmental hypocrites or if we're broken people that have been radically transformed by His grace. But more important than that, I'd love for you to meet this Jesus guy that I know. Whether you ever come to my church or not, this kind of love and sacrifice demands a second look. There's nothing I like to talk about more.

I'd like to have a conversation with you if you feel you've been hurt or betrayed by the church. I'd love to share my story of the miracles I've seen in my life that have helped me to overcome the same thing. If you're brave and willing, I'll buy breakfast. No strings attached.

Who are you?

I've been participating in the "Christian Bloggers" community over on Google+ for a little while now. For the past few weeks, a challenge has been issued that we can choose to write about. I love things like that, so I've eagerly participated. Last week it was "Who is your audience?" 

Audience? I tend to be sporadic and random. But through all my half-thoughts and wandering prose,  underlying themes arise. This question has been at work in my heart and mind. The deadline is long past, but the question still hangs.

My answer has two components. I think it makes sense to start with Jesus. Luke 4 tells us that Jesus said He came to "tell the Good News to the poor. ...To announce forgiveness to the prisoners of sin and the restoring of sight to the blind, to forgive those who have been shattered by sin, to announce the year of the Lord’s favor." This is my guidance. I can't be like Jesus, but my goal is to reflect the work He has done in me.

Afflicted?

Through everything I write, and in fact in everything I do, my sincere hope and prayer is to be a comfort to the afflicted. That doesn't mean afflicted believers. That means the afflicted. Period. To those that feel overwhelmed by life, oppressed, trapped, or at the end of your rope, my hope is that in me you find compassion and understanding. I've been there too. You are not alone. I write about the love and incredible, outrageous grace of God so that you can know that God loves you right where you are. You don't have to clean yourself up before asking God into your life. I don't care what your "sin" is. Whether you are a believer or not, God wants to draw you closer to Him. Throughout history He has demonstrated this in a number of ways, the most significant was sacrificing His only son in order to pay the price for the chains you feel. There is a way out. God provided it. Because He loves you that much.

Comforted?

The second component of everything I write and teach is aimed at the "comforted." I have crossed paths with people my entire life that have this air about them. You know the type. They know enough of the Bible to defend their personal beliefs, culture, and biases. They are offensively confident in all they believe. They are great at talking but horrible at listening. It's a lot like a song I used to know that says "He holds his Bible like a dagger, and he twists it the same way." While the Christian "comforted" are the most obvious, there are plenty of people that cling to other belief systems the same way. I write for them too.

I love people that have rock solid faith. That's not my target. I aim for people that have not been transformed by the gospel. Maybe they are "cultural Christians," learning the lingo in order to fit in or improve their lives. Their motivation may be power, influence, money, or even just acceptance. They don't see themselves as sinners saved by grace. They see themselves as righteous enforcers of God's law. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, too. I believe God is reaching out to them just as strongly as He is to the "prisoners of sin." I'm not condemning them, I'm trying to get them to think... trying to get them to be a little introspective. To dig deeper into their faith and into their scriptures and experience total life transformation that originates from allowing God to work in the most hidden places in their heart.

Who?

I write to comfort the afflicted. I write to afflict the comforted. The truth is, I fall squarely into both categories every day. Writing forces thoughts to become concrete, where they can be explored and refined. I write about the love of God and the grace of God because I need to hear it. Every day. I've been a Christian for almost 7 years now, and I still sin. I still feel unworthy of God's love. That's because I am unworthy of God's love. But He chose to love me anyway. I didn't earn it and I'm still not earning it. No, I'm gratefully dancing in it, but I know that it's in spite of all I've done, not because of all I've done.

On the other hand...I go to church. A lot. I spend a lot of time in the Word. I almost have a verse from Habakkuk memorized. Most Christians probably don't know there even is a book of Habakkuk. I've been on multiple international mission trips and have been a part of countless salvation decisions. I have seen the Holy Spirit light up someones eyes for the first time. I've seen the tears of transformation flowing down an old man's formerly hopeless face. I teach adult Sunday school every week to a group of incredible, authentic, and broken people that I consider close friends. I've been writing my own curriculum in there for 3 years.  We're all just trying to get to know Jesus a little better. I also teach 5th and 6th graders on Wednesday night. And I'm about to start writing my own curriculum for that, too.  That's in addition to my full time job that pays pretty well (which I always tithe on...pre-tax). I've looked a high meth-addict in the eye, shaken his hand, and honestly told him "I'm glad you came to church today, come on in." I've hugged and prayed with carnival workers that had been high and homeless days earlier. When I list my "accomplishments" it would be easy to feel pride. It would be easy to feel like God must really like me because I do so much for him.

But, like Paul, I know that isn't the case. Without God I'm a hopeless mess. Without me, God is still God. Anything incredible that comes out of my life originates with Him. So I write. I write to remind myself of this. I write to drive myself back to Him. I write for me...I write for you. But ultimately, I'm writing for Him.

While reading this, if you felt like you fell into either category I can't say that it was entirely accidental. What I can tell you is that you aren't alone. You just found a new friend in me. I can tell you countless stories about how God loves you so much that you can trust Him with everything you have. You can tear down all the walls that are between you and Him and experience life that is more full, meaningful, exciting, and significant than you have ever imagined. That is available to everyone. Even me.

Faith

I remember it like it was yesterday. Picking up the phone at work, watching my finger meticulously dial each button. Slowly, each of the buttons of my wife's number were pressed. Then ringing. This was real.

"Hello?"

"Hey honey. I've got an interesting question for you."

Hesitantly, "Ok."

"How's your faith today?"

"Rock solid."

"I'm glad to hear that. They just told me that they're shutting down the company. Effective today."

In less than two weeks, we had lost a grandparent and had a child undergo surgery. Now this.

But this is what faith is built for. When life is out of control, faith proves its importance. The book of James reminds us that it is through our trials that faith shines. Hard times can refine, sharpen, and ultimately strengthen faith. It tells us that God is in control, even in our most trying times. Faith reminds us that we belong to God and that He loves us. Our circumstances don't change that. He's on our side, working in every situation. We know that we will emerge on the other side victorious, even if our current situation leads to death.

When the things of this world that we desperately cling to are stripped away, it is our faith that reveals to us that we still have Jesus. And that is enough.

I am not ashamed

My favorite book of the Bible? Romans. Before I explain why, let me tell you a story.

Once there was a man that wrestled with God. He heard about Jesus early in life. Stories of this guy that supposedly was the son of God filled his town. He heard about how Jesus had been executed and buried. Stories of how this "son of God" returned from the grave, conquering death once and for all, were everywhere.

By the time this man entered his formative years, his stance was as solid as a stone. This Jesus movement was not only false, it was harmful. It caused people to abandon reason. It cause them to abandon the truth. And this man valued truth. So he fought them. A lot of times he won.

Until... 

One day this man had an encounter that changed his life. This enemy of the faith found Jesus. Life changed forever for this unlikely Christian. But he still wrestled. Something odd happened when he found Jesus. Jesus didn't turn this man's brain off. He still had knowledge and an unquenchable passion for the truth. That never changed.

He was still the same person, but his foundation had been replaced. Now he knew Jesus was real. He understood God's love, the fall of man, and the sacrifice Jesus made. He understood that "all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Although he had been at war his entire life, he finally understood what it meant to have "peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Still he wrestled.

For example, if he were a new creation in Christ, why was life still so hard? Why did he still do the things that he knew he shouldn't? Why couldn't he do the things he knew he should? How can this "new life" be fully embraced? How can he live entirely for Christ, letting go of the things of this world? How can he deal with the guilt from his past?

As he struggled, he learned that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." None. He understood that any condemnation or guilt that he felt must have a different source. It wasn't from God. If it wasn't from God, it could be discarded.

He learned that nothing on earth could separate him from God's love. Not life nor death, angels or demons. Not the future, the present, or the past. No power, no government. Nothing in all creation could separate them now. With Jesus as his rock, he knew he was more than a conqueror. The battle had ceased. Without a fight. He had surrendered and had been adopted into the family of the victor. It was overwhelming. So he had to write.

Back to Romans... 

Paul was an interesting guy. He had an incredible life, witnessing many miracles and enduring many hardships. And he wrote about it. Some of his writings are still around today. In the book of Romans, he explains much of what he had learned through revelation and experience. It is laid out very deliberately, building to numerous crescendos. It is very personal yet contains numerous philosophical and theological truths as well as their real life applications. It reflects the conclusions of a man that spent years wrestling with God while searching for the truth.

The story above is my story. I was the wanderer, the wrestler, the enemy of God. After Jesus changed my life, I did a lot of wrestling with scripture and with God. I still do it to this day. But Paul has a similar story. He walked this path long before I did. And he wrote about it. All of his writings seem to speak directly to my soul, but Romans seems to be his masterwork.

Why am I a Christian?

I haven't always been. Most of my life has been spent in defiant opposition to religion in general. Christianity was the worst of them all, though. The closed minded--even empty minded--lives of the religious people I knew was a source of constant frustration for me.

One day I started going to church and the strangest thing happened. Yeah, that sounds like an abrupt about-face but the details are a story for another day. They aren't so important to today's tale.

When I went I found exactly what I expected. The average Christian still couldn't answer the tough questions I had. They also still sang slow and boring songs. They were nice enough, though. I kept an open mind. Not so much because of them, but because I was still seeking truth and I decided not to let these imperfect people stand between me and it. I decided I would give God a fair shot and not judge Him solely on the actions of His followers. I went back.

Mysteries Unfolding

What I found out ended up changing the trajectory of my life. God is real. The miracles I had been demanding from Him my whole life had been there all along. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could see how active God's hand had been my entire life, even when I was fighting against Him. He had been pursuing me. Not to condemn me, but to love me. I had been blinded by my own arrogance and stubbornness.

I discovered that the creator of the universe cared about me with a deep and personal love. He wanted me to be with Him. He wanted me to have a relationship with him. Even though I had been rebellious...even though I had actively tried to drive a wedge between Him and His followers. Even though I had done nothing to deserve it.

He showed me that He loved me so much He sent His only son to rescue me. God knew the cost would be His perfect and beloved son's life. God knew I wouldn't appreciate it. He knew I would treat His love with contempt. He knew I would return love with anger and hate. He sent Jesus anyway. That is an overwhelming, unconditional, and incomprehensible love! Why would He do that? It doesn't make sense.

That unraveled one of my last assumptions. I knew that kind of love wasn't something I was capable of. It wasn't something that was inside anyone I had ever met. In order to be "God," God couldn't think like me...like any of us. His ways would have to be different than ours. Higher in some way. He would have a lot more information at His disposal. A lot more experience, too. His perspective would be entirely different than ours. It would have to be. I don't know how I missed that all those years.

From Head to Heart

Once my mind was opened to the possibility--no, the reality--of God, my heart soon followed. I spent a lot of time wrestling with theology, trying to understand all the implications of what Christians believe. Along the way, the miracles started happening. They still haven't stopped. I had spent my entire life seeking truth, demanding evidence on my own terms. Once I gave up demanding and began seeking to just experience a relationship with God, the world opened up.

Satisfied?

To answer the last question that remains...why Christianity? Believing in a higher power is one thing, but why the whole Jesus thing? My first answer is that it was through Jesus and Christianity that I experienced everything I've described above, everything I've written in this blog, and more than can possibly be imagined. I know Christianity is true because I have lived it. It holds up.

In case that's not enough...I've studied the other major religions. I have lived a sensible, stable, productive non-religious life. It seems religion is man's way of trying to find his way to God. Religions define sets of rules and rituals that must be obeyed in order to please a distant God. Jesus, however, is God reaching toward us. Unlike Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Mormonism, Scientology, and even Judaism, in Christianity it is God that has done the work. Jesus accepts and welcomes everyone, no matter how broken or disobedient they are. God has given us the freedom to choose Him.

Bishop William Temple said that the only thing we contribute to our salvation is the sin that makes salvation necessary. It's scandalous. Offensive. Unique. But true.

What I know of love

What do you know of love? Maybe it's that love hurts. It requires an openness and trust that leaves you unprotected. Vulnerable. This world can be so cruel. Fully exposing your heart can be fatal.

I've been with my sweet lady since we were 16--way too young to know what love is. Like Jason Mraz says, "it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to know what love is." She and I have been learning what love is for over twenty years now. I don't know everything, but I've taken some notes along the way.

This is what I know of love.

Love is patient and full of grace. It always sees the best in others. Even at our worst, love has hope. Love endures. Love doesn't give up. I know this because I've seen it. I've lived it.

Unconditional love seems crazy. Why love someone that can't or won't return your love in the way you deserve? Why love someone totally, completely, and selflessly? Because it is the most powerful force in the universe. I have never seen true life change happen any other way. However, I could fill the internet with stories of lives changed because of unconditional love...lives changed through undeserved grace.

My sweetie taught me all about this by living it, by walking it out regardless of the consequences. She has loved me fearlessly and persistently through the highest mountains of my life and the deepest valleys. She has loved me when I didn't love myself. She has had hope where I thought no hope was possible. She has always seen and been a light in the darkest of nights. She chose to stay and fight every time it would've been easier to give up and go. We have learned to rejoice with each other for the sweet times in life. Together we have discovered the joy of parenthood, family, and growing old. Love taught us to cling ever so tightly to each other in life's storms.

Her example of love helped open my heart to begin to understand the nature of the love of God that He demonstrated through His son, Jesus. He loves us like that...unconditionally and full of grace. This incredible love that I have experienced from my gal--as unbelievable as it is--is a broken, imperfect refection of the immense and unconditional love of our creator. I find that incredibly humbling, driving me to my knees.

If I could wish two things for you, it would be that you experience this kind of love from another person here on earth and that you discover the love of Christ. Each will change your life beyond recognition. In the best possible way.

My friends, I believe one of the greatest treasures we have in this world is each other. We were created for relationships. To love on another. Fearlessly. To live a life with walls around your heart may keep some bad things out. It also keeps out so much good stuff. Over these last twenty(ish) years, my honey and I have found a few things we repeat to each other:

Love is messy. Love can hurt. 

But love is worth it. 

Every time.

Miracle Mondays

I believe that going to heaven for eternity is an incredible benefit of Christianity. That's not the only one, though. In John 10:10, Jesus tells us that He came to give us life, and life in abundance  I believe that if we are in Christ, our life does not look the same anymore. The here-and-now is transformed.

The reason I believe this is not because a smiling preacher told me so. It's not even because the Bible says so. The reason I believe this is because I have experienced it. It happened in my own life and in the lives of others I've known.

In my experience, it seems like a lot of us Christians miss this. We focus so much on the hereafter, we forget about what's in front of us right now.

Joy. Peace. Life. Miracles.

I have had seasons of my life when I have seen miracle upon miracle, practically living in a state of overflowing awe at the presence and action of God. Mere months later I find myself wondering if any of it was real.

Enter Miracle Mondays. I'm dedicating Monday posts here to telling about a miracle that I have experienced or witnessed. These are times that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I have seen God in action in this world. Many of these stories have happy endings, but some are heartbreaking. Some are silly. Some are tragic. All are real.

How about you, do you believe in miracles?

Just Move

Today was the 7th consecutive day I have gone for a long walk.

Seven days. That's not long.

I haven't done anything dramatic, just carved out thirty minutes to an hour a day to bundle up and get outside.

Things are already changing, though. 

My legs feel stronger. I've dropped a few pounds. There is a tangible difference.

As that inspirational revelation struck, I realized parallels to my spiritual walk.

Sometimes, for months on end...

I do nothing. 

There is no spiritual growth.

I yearn for intimacy with God, but...

I don't seek it. 

Eventually I turn back in a number of small ways and notice immediate differences in my life.

It starts with baby steps...more consistent, focused prayer, and focused time in the Word. Sometimes it starts with a musical worship experience.

My walk is shaky, my steps tentative. But as I persistently (if not consistently) continue this journey, I continue to be amazed, humbled, and honored at what God does.

He is there. 

Often He'll show off. I feel my spiritual legs strengthen and the journey becomes easier. He will remind me that He has been there all along, waiting for me to start moving again.

Wanting something doesn't make it so. Sometimes you have to just move.

When you are stuck, what do you do to get moving again?

Motivation 2013

Welcome to 2013. Everywhere I turn I see signs of resolutions. New year, new life, new you. I hate to jump on the resolution bandwagon, but up I go again.

My life has changed so much in the past 10 years that it's hard for me to ask for more. The distance from where I was to where I am could only be traversed miraculously. But I'm human, never satisfied. Always wanting more. Like just about everyone I know, my goals revolve around health and fitness. As I approach the year, I have been challenged regarding my true motivation for this change.

The church answer for this would have to be something like "I want to be in better shape so I can better serve the Lord." Or maybe "my body is a Holy temple, I need to treat it as such." How about "I want my outside appearance to reflect the state of my soul." Yeah, I'm familiar with the church answer. If you know me very well, you know how suspicious I am of church answers.

Each of those have some truth to it, but I need to be honest and dig deeper. I have had a life long battle with clinical depression. This is a battle that has been won. But somehow, my eating choices feel like I'm killing myself slowly. Because of that, deep down I feel like this life and death war isn't quite as over as I thought. The monster is still lurking under the surface. It can't kill me quickly, but it's patient and is willing to go for the long slow method.

This fight is my motivation. With help, I've managed to defeat this beast at every battle. I'm going to win this one too.

Bored?

People close to me have asserted lately that if you're a Christian and your life is boring, you're missing out on something. In fact, I've heard lately that if you don't remember the last incredible thing that God did in your life, you are probably "doing it wrong." This isn't a health/wealth prosperity gospel variant at all, this comment was intended to be deeper, more personal. There are times God has used us in incredible and humbling ways that didn't lead to outrageous prosperity or fortune...our reward was simply being present when some incredible life change happened for someone else. Our reward was to be a witness to a miracle.

Now, I'm not one that believes that there are different levels of salvation. Saved is saved. If you're saved, it's impossible to be more saved. However, I am a firm believer in spiritual growth, commonly called discipleship.  Salvation happens once and is life-changing. Through spiritual growth, a relationship with God is developed.  If you stop at salvation, you miss out on the intimacy of a relationship with Jesus. You miss out on the guidance and assurance available through that relationship. You also miss out on the life of significance and adventure that is the result of a passionate pursuit of God (and His passionate pursuit of you.)

Am I great at this? Absolutely not. I was recently asked which of these five areas I was best at: prayer, solitude (in the context of Jesus isolating himself to focus on his relationship with the father), small group, time in the word, and trust in the unconditional love and guidance of the Father.  My honest answer was that I completely suck at all of them. Sure, I happen to be in the habit of consistently attempting them all, and maybe God's giving me credit for that. But, honestly, when judged on my results, I'm failing miserably.

Fortunately for me, I am not judged on my results. It isn't my effort that matters, and God seems like he's not done with me yet. This is still an incredible journey he's got me on. He continues to teach me about grace and unconditional love. His favorite teaching method seems to be continually giving both to me.