Just Move

Today was the 7th consecutive day I have gone for a long walk.

Seven days. That's not long.

I haven't done anything dramatic, just carved out thirty minutes to an hour a day to bundle up and get outside.

Things are already changing, though. 

My legs feel stronger. I've dropped a few pounds. There is a tangible difference.

As that inspirational revelation struck, I realized parallels to my spiritual walk.

Sometimes, for months on end...

I do nothing. 

There is no spiritual growth.

I yearn for intimacy with God, but...

I don't seek it. 

Eventually I turn back in a number of small ways and notice immediate differences in my life.

It starts with baby steps...more consistent, focused prayer, and focused time in the Word. Sometimes it starts with a musical worship experience.

My walk is shaky, my steps tentative. But as I persistently (if not consistently) continue this journey, I continue to be amazed, humbled, and honored at what God does.

He is there. 

Often He'll show off. I feel my spiritual legs strengthen and the journey becomes easier. He will remind me that He has been there all along, waiting for me to start moving again.

Wanting something doesn't make it so. Sometimes you have to just move.

When you are stuck, what do you do to get moving again?

Bored?

People close to me have asserted lately that if you're a Christian and your life is boring, you're missing out on something. In fact, I've heard lately that if you don't remember the last incredible thing that God did in your life, you are probably "doing it wrong." This isn't a health/wealth prosperity gospel variant at all, this comment was intended to be deeper, more personal. There are times God has used us in incredible and humbling ways that didn't lead to outrageous prosperity or fortune...our reward was simply being present when some incredible life change happened for someone else. Our reward was to be a witness to a miracle.

Now, I'm not one that believes that there are different levels of salvation. Saved is saved. If you're saved, it's impossible to be more saved. However, I am a firm believer in spiritual growth, commonly called discipleship.  Salvation happens once and is life-changing. Through spiritual growth, a relationship with God is developed.  If you stop at salvation, you miss out on the intimacy of a relationship with Jesus. You miss out on the guidance and assurance available through that relationship. You also miss out on the life of significance and adventure that is the result of a passionate pursuit of God (and His passionate pursuit of you.)

Am I great at this? Absolutely not. I was recently asked which of these five areas I was best at: prayer, solitude (in the context of Jesus isolating himself to focus on his relationship with the father), small group, time in the word, and trust in the unconditional love and guidance of the Father.  My honest answer was that I completely suck at all of them. Sure, I happen to be in the habit of consistently attempting them all, and maybe God's giving me credit for that. But, honestly, when judged on my results, I'm failing miserably.

Fortunately for me, I am not judged on my results. It isn't my effort that matters, and God seems like he's not done with me yet. This is still an incredible journey he's got me on. He continues to teach me about grace and unconditional love. His favorite teaching method seems to be continually giving both to me.

Alive-est

Trust 30 : Day 28 (prompt by Sam Davidson)

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

I've mentioned a few times how crazy and incredible the last few years have been. Beyond words. All because God has been shaping and using me in incredible ways. When I compare my "before God" and "since God" lives, they hardly even compare. But alive? When have I felt the most alive? That's kind of odd.

I didn't grow up going to church much. Of course, growing up in Oklahoma I went some, but it never was an integral part of my life. So, true confession time here, I don't know how to "do" Sunday School. Yet here I am teaching it. It's been a very unusually collision of circumstances that have led me here.

When I was in the first phases of discovering Christ, I started attending this class. It was open and honest...about as close to a "mask-free" environment as I've ever seen. It wasn't very structured and I learned a lot. I grew to know and love the other people in the class. And then I felt the call...the call to do more, the call to give more, the call to serve more. There were a few transitions and I had the opportunity to teach a little. It was terrifying. Some times it was exhausting. But more often than not, I felt "filled" after teaching.

More recently, things have changed again. Since the beginning of 2010 I've been the "primary" teacher in the class. In a way, I've been casting the vision for the class. When my turn to teach comes up, I never seem to have trouble coming up with things to teach about. The Bible is so full, so rich, it seems to be an endless supply. Each week I have the honor of pursuing God on my own, listening for Him to guide me in a topic, and then presenting it to an amazing group of people. We still try to stay open and honest. We try to stay humble. We work on focusing on God, above everything else. I believe we're on a solid path of spiritual growth.

But this feeling of "being alive..." If there's something that's the opposite of stage fright, that's what happens after class. For example, this week the lesson has stuck with me. It keeps echoing back into my life. I'm seeing new facets of it that we didn't get to explore and I'm reflecting on all that we were able to cover. And I'm humbled. I'm amazed. I'm in awe of God. He's using me. Again. And it's awesome. Then I reflect on who I was and on who am I, and I'm humbled again. The fact that God would choose to use me for anything is amazing. The fact that He was able to somehow--beyond all hope, logic, or reason-- He was able to turn my face toward Himself. That He continues to pour His spirit into me, allowing me to continue gazing in His direction, continue learning, sharing, and serving...that makes me feel alive.

Wholly Strange and New

Trust30 : Day 16

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.

The sweetest moments like this in life are the ones that are unexpected. As I matured out of my late 20s and into my early 30s I mellowed a bit. I unplugged and allowed myself to explore life differently than I had been. There was almost a Zen-like detachment as I simply experienced the world around me. I let life unfold. And then the idea of God finally started making sense on a different level than ever before.


So I started going to church. It was an adventure...or maybe even more like a quest.  I really don't think I ever intended to stay. It was a stop along the way during my pursuit of enlightenment. 


Honestly, it was culture shock for quite awhile. I've got questions and I was looking for answers, but I'm not the type to be rude or demanding about it. But I was on a quest. My behavior ranged from "ok, so we're going to church, what do I have to stop doing?" to "um, why are we drinking grape juice?" I've never been a conformist and I wasn't about to start new habits up (or abandon old ones) without understanding why.


Then, suddenly, there was this shift. I remember coming home and talking to Sweetie about these things I was trying to wrap my head around. Crazy ideas like "if you want to live, you must die to yourself. If you want to lead, serve. To have life, give your life away. To be significant, stop pursuing your own interests." These were not only new concepts to me, but they didn't make any sense at all and they were counter to all the beliefs I held so dear for all my life.


But that shift happened. No, it wasn't brainwashing by anyone at the church. There was a click and it snapped into focus. I had a new perspective that wasn't available to me previously. I believe God revealed it to me.


The old me would say that this isn't a "new path" at all. This is conforming to the brainwashing that happens when one is abducted and indoctrinated. The new me, however, remains painfully aware of my entire life up to this point. I'm not easily brainwashed. I believe the walk I took into this life of faith is uniquely me and mine. In fact, I believe we each have a unique quest that we're on, pursuing God while He pursues us. It's a beautiful dance. As long as we keep up the pursuit, we will find Him. Just like every marriage, every parent-child relationship, and every friendship is different, everyone's path to and relationship with God takes on a different flavor. It's the tapestry of these adventures that weave a beautiful masterpiece.


Unfortunate disclaimer: please don't think that I'm saying any form of spirituality is fine. I believe in one God, that He is more than enough for all of us. There are many false paths, but one true God. My point is that if you continue to pursue, you will find Him.

Insist

Trust 30 Challenge, Day 11

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

At this point in my life I don't think I need to transform into a newborn me. I have already been transformed. The rest of my life will be a process of embracing this transformation. 

My kids switched schools two years ago. Since that move I have seen an astounding change in them. What's wild is that they haven't changed into someone different than who they already were. They have become more fully themselves. This is an ongoing process in me, too.

I believe my "uniqueness" is to live out my faith in Christ in a way that bucks tradition. One example is that I choose to love, not to judge. Here's a thought...you may remember that in Genesis God created the rainbow as a symbol of His covenant with Noah after the flood. Every time we see a rainbow we are to remember that He loves us and, no matter how bad things look, He isn't going to wipe out the human race. Now look at a Pride parade. Rainbows everywhere. Is our response, as Christians, to be angry that they hijacked this symbol? Or is it for us to look at them and realize that God loves each and every one of them as much as He loves us? Maybe they didn't hijack the symbol at all, maybe He filled that movement with rainbows for a reason. Hmmmmm. 

I'm not saying that choosing to love is easy (or that I'm an expert). And loving is different than endorsing. I have a lot of Christian friends that are making poor, non-Biblical decisions in their lives. Honestly, so am I. Debt, gluttony, porn addiction, love of money...the potential list goes on and on. And yet these are typically overlooked and even joked about while welcoming each other to church. We love each other through it, accepting without condemnation but also without necessarily condoning. With those we're closest to we may feel comfortable with a confrontation, but those are pretty rare.  I'm saying let's take it a step further and love those that we are supposed to be against. In fact, I insist on it.

Be Bold?

Trust 30 Challenge Day 7 : Dare to Be Bold

The question (with a little editing for the sake of brevity)

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The rest of the intro by Matt Cheuvront is here 

What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle. 

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

The Response

Like many of the other Trust30 challenge writers I've been reading, I'm already working/living toward the dream.

What have I always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue?

Trick question.  Choosing to pursue is the accomplishment.  I started life seeking awards, rewards, and pieces of paper.  Once earned they still leave something missing inside.  So I shoot higher.  But higher goals aren't the answer.  Publishing a book, having a million dollars in my checking account, or traveling the world will not fill that spot.  That doesn't mean those are worthless, it just means I can't hope for those things to complete us.

Living on faith in God while pursuing Him is the answer.  I feel like a broken record, but since I've put my own agenda aside and have instead pursued Christ and His will for my life, two things have happened:

1. Life has been sweet and fulfilling.  Much more so than I ever expected in my wildest dreams.  That empty spot stays full most of the time.
2. About 90% of the dreams I had for myself (that I had let go of) have come to fruition.  Each one a miracle. Most I didn't even ask for, they just happened. Things I had given up on years ago.  It's mind blowing.

Do I still have dreams?  Absolutely.  Even more now than before Christ found me.  I believe that God has given me a glimpse of what is to come in my life and it's a complete turn from what I'm doing now.  I have no idea how it will come about, but I trust Him.  In this one thing, this one dream, I am patient.  I don't see how I will get from here to there, but I just walk the road.  One step at a time, trusting the path.

Obstacles

My biggest obstacles are consequences of past mistakes.  Primarily debt.  Without this burden I'd be free to give even more away.  I'd have more freedom to pursue.  But these are debts that I owe, so I diligently pay them off.  I am fortunate to have a wife that has come to hate debt as much as I do...we knocked most of it out in 2010.  The rest (except the house) goes in 2011.  This is another area that God has worked in our lives...we began faithfully honoring him with every dollar that comes into our house and as a result paid of almost all of 20 years of accumulated debt in about a year.  God can do that when you let Him.

Tangible Plan

My tangible plan is to take my relationship with God to deeper levels.  I still doubt it when I feel Him directing me...it typically takes 3 nudges before I move.  I need to learn to recognize His direction more quickly. Not out of fear that He'll punish me...it's more that where He leads me is always incredible.

My plan is to continue to pursue Him by deliberate prayer time, worship, studying His word, and building a community of believers that seek the same thing.  And I won't stop talking about how awesome my God is.

It's an active process, not just sitting back waiting for Him to work. But the end result is life changing and eternal. And bold?  A life that is truly based on faith in God is as bold as it gets.

Post it note (Revisited)

Trust30 Challenge - Revisiting Day Three

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

My Post-It Note question was "How can I stay both Passionate and Patient?" It's been 48 hours so it's time to revisit...

Although "quite reserved" on the outside at first glance, my life is driven by my passions.  If I'm not passionate about something I don't tend to pursue it.  This doesn't mean I just blindly follow my emotions or simply seek pleasure in everything I do.  For me passion can be a long-term thing...in fact if passion is directed at the appropriate things the long term benefits can be mind-blowing.  I've experienced this in my career, my wife, my kids, and now my God.  I have to mention that when I passionately pursue myself (if that makes sense) then life falls apart.

My life these days is shaped by these passionate pursuits.  After spending my life as a adamant and deliberate atheist who would only change his mind if shown verifiable proof of God's existence, I must admit that I have now seen proof that has eliminated all doubts.  But the ironic thing is that first I believed, then I saw.  And no, I wasn't brainwashed.  But that pursuit of God has been very passionate and fulfilling.  The fire burns hot, and it hasn't burned out.

The latest quest I've been on is to build a community of passionate believers.  It sounds like a simple task living in the middle of the Bible belt.  What I find repeatedly is that authentic community requires authentic people.  This authenticity only comes with openness and trust which are things our culture seems to avoid.  Many times it seems as though "Christians" I encounter have a "church mask" they wear when around me but they don't have that passion that I need to see reflected in the people around me. Church is somewhere they go out of habit.  I so desperately want to see what happens when we get 8 to 10 people together that think about God more than they think about TV.  How powerful would that be, how much could we change the world for the better? That's where I need patience.

The answer for me, like it often is, is perspective.  My wife and I started dating over 20 years ago.  To look back at how far we've come and what we've lived through is amazing.  And it's not like looking at accomplishment like at an award ceremony...it goes much deeper than that.  There is art in the process.  Through the joy and the pain, underlying all of it, there is a larger picture being painted that goes beyond beauty.  But the journey is as important as the destination.  In fact, the journey never ends -- it's vital that we see it and appreciate it.  Instead of looking forward to "someday" --  appreciate today. When it comes to the things I'm passionate about now, it's vital that I remember to lose myself in the journey, appreciating it every step of the way.  I trust God.  It takes time for lives to be shaped, my own as well as those around me.  The process to this point has been a work of art, a beautiful tapestry that I could not have designed or predicted.

When I trust Him, He will weave my life into something beyond my wildest expectations.  That's what I need to put on my new post-it note.  That's what I need to see every day.

Letters

God loves you so much that He wrote you 66 different love letters. He knows that sometimes it can be hard to tune out the world and listen to Him. Sometimes you just don’t have time to read the letters He has written. So He put a lot of variety in them. There is poetry, history, geneaology, stories of action, love stories, list of rules...sometimes He uses metaphor, sometimes allegory. They vary in length from as short as a page to the size of a novel. There is variety beyond belief within these 66 letters. But they all have one theme that is consistent throughout them all. He loves you. He wants to draw you in closer to Him. He would do anything to have you near Him, even lay down his own life. You know what I’m talking about...He loves you so much that you don’t even have to hunt for these letters. Most of us have multiple copies sitting around our house collecting dust. It’s the Bible.

It's about availability, not ability

I have a love/hate relationship with writing.  I love to write.  But my standard for myself is so high that I can't allow myself to write.  I am always waiting for the elusive perfect and unique collision of inspiration and availability.

During the year that I lead worship, I sent out a set list to the band every week.  The idea was that everyone would be on the same page showing up to practice, plus it allows us to connect during the week.  We were all so new to the experience, I thought I should send out some inspirational words...share some verses and maybe some of my own insight and observations.  This weekly email became something I had to do.  And I couldn't just leave it at the list of songs, I had to share more.  After a few months, I realized that I was doing a lot of writing...and that I was actually looking forward to sitting down and typing out those emails.  I might not have any idea of what I was going to say when I started, but I would find myself writing for hours sometimes.  And it wasn't because I was inspired, it was because I made the time.

My time as worship leader was up a few months ago and I've not written much since then.  I find myself in a place where I have many thoughts I need to work out and it seems writing is the only way for me to do that.  I can't seem to make the time.

One thing I love to do is teach.  I love the way the spirit inspires me every week, I love searching through God's word for more inspiration, and I love getting up and leading people to a new understanding of stories they thought they new.  More than anything, I love seeing Christ change lives.  Including my own, which He does every time I teach!  Win-win.  One of my biggest challenges is limiting how much I cover each week.  Every week my wife asks me how it's going and my response has been consistently the same "Way too much to cover, not enough time." Tonight, as I was down to the bottom of the second page of typing, I started to think..."what if I organized my thoughts and threw them onto the blog and then simplified what I taught."  That would allow the class to be a little more interactive and discussion-oriented while allowing me to hit all the points I wanted to hit (just not in class).

In the interest of staying out of the state of denial, I would like to acknowledge right here and now that I understand a few things about this blog:  1.) the only person that ever reads it is my wife, and she only reads it because I get cranky if she doesn't.  2.) most people out there aren't interested in my 1,000 word rambling about Elijah or any of my other ramblings.  But, I seem to have more in me than I can contain, so this blog will continue to function as mile markers along the road of my own spiritual growth and development.  If someone else finds it and gets something out of it, that'd be super too.

Ecclesiastes (it's not what you think)

"For everything there is a season."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

A few years ago I had my life changed by a ministry at my church.  I was a 30-something new believer after a life time of intentional and deliberate atheism.  When God pulled me out of that, I found myself seeking Him, looking for opportunities to go deeper.  I had an unquenchable hunger but I couldn't find anything that could fill my appetite.  I had a few good "feedings", notably a season of "Men's Fraternity" that was life changing for me and a "Marriage Encounter" with my wife.  But both of those were short term events that ended too soon, thrusting me back out into the real world desperately searching for more.

When I hooked up with this other ministry, whose members were often referred to as "Those People", I found that I was surrounded by imperfect people that were not only seeking God openly and honestly, but they were clinging to Him for their next breath.  There was an honesty that I had not seen in the secular or Christian world before.  There was also a common yearning for spiritual intimacy that I had never seen anywhere.  I found it refreshing and inspiring.

It's been a few years now.  God has changed me, changed my family, and changed my church.  When I look back at the last year I find it hard to believe all that He has done.  I led worship for a year, every Friday night.  14 months ago I had never sung in public.  28 months ago I had never sung in private.  I don't claim to be good, but God gave me just enough to get me through.  And that's the tip of the iceberg.  I could (and probably should've been) fill this blog with stories of life change and miracles.

But, for everything there is a season.  The time for that ministry at our church is coming to an end.  We have two more Friday nights and then it's over.  Yes, I know I will miss it.  I will miss the brothers and sisters that I have served with and whose lives I have seen changed.  None of us will ever be the same. 

I believe that God never meant for us to get too embedded in our ministries.  When we do, I think the human tendency is to believe that it is the ministry that saves us, it is the ministry that keeps us healed.  Our nature is to cling so tightly to the things of this earth...it is vital to recognize when it's time to move on.  When the pillar of fire moves, it's time to pack the tents.  And it's time to pack the tents.

God may have parted the Red Sea to get us to where we're at.  That might have been an awesome miracle, but we're not to the promised land yet.  He still has plans for us, and it is still our calling to follow Him wherever it may lead.  Even if it means letting go of what we cling to.

So tonight I find myself looking forward.  What does God have planned?  I don't know, but I await it with anticipation.  Instead of being bitter or let down by this ending, I am excited about the new beginning.

Love God. Love People. Happy Holidays!

When asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus replied that we are to love God and love each other.  I've heard sin described as anything that comes between us and God.  To get a little more specific, anything that comes between us and obedience to God.

So now the holiday season is upon us.  A time of reflection and joy.  A time to come together with loved ones and a time to help those in need.  It's the perfect time for those of us that have found the joy of new life in Christ to live out the greatest commandment.

When the sky turns gray and the temperature drops, peace on earth seems to be far from everyone's mind.  Instead, the air is full of upturned noses smugly declaring "Jesus is the reason for the season".  There are boycotts of stores and parades due to titles not being reverent enough.  While I'm sure many religious leaders of Jesus' time would agree with these practices and whole-heartedly participate in them, I have to wonder if Jesus himself would.  Is this the way He intended for us to behave when He instructed us to love people?

It seems that Paul went to great lengths to advise Christians on how to live and how to spread the good news.  He repeatedly emphasized the importance of being respectful and loving of those outside the church.  He instructed us to do whatever possible short of sin in order to fit in and to not offend.  Paul knew that hate doesn't turn hearts.  He knew that because he listened to Jesus.  He also knew that through experience.

So when you are confronted with the inevitable "Happy Holidays" this season, don't respond with a snide "Merry CHRISTmas".  Respond with love.  Give a smile, a nod, and a best wishes for the season.  If possible, engage in a friendly discussion.  If the Holy Spirit chooses you to try and witness to the person, it's important to build a relationship based on trust and love, not on judgement and condemnation.

Daniel the sinner

I consider Daniel to be one of the most intriguing people in the Bible.  Maybe it's because the lion's den story is one of the few that stuck with me from my youth.  I didn't "get it" or even know the context of it, but it stuck with me.  A believer that was thrown in to a room with a bunch of hungry lions because of his faith and the lions didn't eat him.

These days it is that I can't seem to find record of his sin or failures.  Almost all the other old and new testament heroes from Adam to Abraham to Moses to David to Peter to Paul have at least one incident recorded in the Bible that is evidence of them "falling short" or "stumbling".  Daniel is a Jew in exile during a time when God has turned from the Jews.  Most of his "fellow believers" are living lives of total compromise, choosing to blend in with their captors rather then live an obedient life.  On a number of occasions, Daniel makes the tough choice to remain uncompromising about his faith and actions even if it looks like it will cost him his life.  If there were truly "righteous" men in the Bible, men who can earn their way into God's favor by their own fearless actions, Daniel would be near the top of that list.

Then I get to Daniel 9 and 10.  Daniel is praying for a return from exile.  He is praying for God's people.  The way his prayers are worded, he repeatedly says "we have sinned and done wrong." He appeals to God not on account of his own righteousness, faithfulness, or accomplishments, but appeals to God's mercy and forgiveness while lumping himself in with all the others that have turned from God and earned this exile.

If I put myself in Daniel's shoes, I'd likely try to separate myself from the others around me...I'd still pray for them... but from a distance.  I would also remind God of all the times I had been faithful.  My prayer would be more like "God, it's me Daniel.  You remember me, the one that you saved from the lion's den because I refused to put any other God before you.  I'm the one you blessed with health and fitness because I refused to compromise my purity.  God, I'm coming to you pure and devoted on behalf of my brothers, your people, who are wicked and have sinned.  I'm coming to you on their behalf to plead for mercy and a return from exile..."  You get the picture.  I've earned some favor in His eyes, right?  That way maybe God would at least recognize that I'm not like "those people" and might still deliver me from captivity while everyone remains enslaved.  Like maybe the all knowing forgot that I was a captive.  That sounds kind of like the prayer of the Pharisee in the new testament when he says "God, I thank you that I am not like that tax collector over there..."  Ouch.

But Daniel doesn't do that.  He knows better.  He knows that God is Holy, He is set apart.  Daniel knows that no matter how hard we try and what we accomplish, we ALL are sinners compared to God.  No human under his own strength can compare to God's perfection and beauty.  As someone who had numerous glimpses into the invisible world of God through visions and visitations, Daniel would have a unique understanding of this.  Even when angels tell him "you are highly esteemed" (9:23) Daniel considers himself unclean and unworthy.  It's not because he hates himself and it isn't false humility.  On the contrary, it's because he understands Holiness, he understands how far even the best examples of mankind are below the heavenly realm.

Daniel makes me question myself.  I often talk to God as if He's "merely" a friend.  I know there is scripture to support the fact that we can talk to God this way, but I think it's important to remember He is so much more than that.  That we are so much less than worthy to be His friend.  The fact that He allows that kind of relationship is another testament to His grace and His love.  To equate a relationship with Him to a trusted high school buddy is to minimize His holiness, majesty, might, and omnipotence.  As nice as it is to talk to God as I would a human friend, it is the times I approach with humility and reverence that I actually feel the closest to Him.  It's when I approach Him in a way that more fully acknowledges who He is instead of how I would like Him to be that things get deep and that the earth moves.

Daniel got it.  Do I?

Beautiful Souls

Today I got to spend a few hours with a brother-in-Christ that I have been longing to reconnect with.  He's from Columbia (South America) but currently lives in Naples, FL.  Connecting with him tonight was an unexpected answer to a non-specific prayer.  


I seem to have a special place in my heart for people from other countries.  When I run into Juan from Columbia, or my friend Rafael from Brazil, or Kevin from Jamaica, or the guys at Crowderfest that were from so far south in Texas that English wasn't their native language (Ricardo and Noe)...every time I encounter them, I see God in them, I see the beauty of their homeland and their culture, the love of their families, and the incredible tapestry that God has woven by creating this diversity that sometimes scares us.  These encounters make me long for more.  I want to converse with them in their language, to see their homeland with their eyes, to worship our God alongside them in a way that transcends all human barriers.  My heart breaks for the people that can't see this beauty.  I'm so thankful to God that He allows me to see this and connect with all these beautiful souls.

Listen

What does it all mean? That's the question that I keep asking myself. See, I'm on this strange journey of faith that has all kinds of twists and turns. As I walk down this road, I try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I try to submit my will over to Him, to put myself aside and follow faith. He always "shows up" (note: that phrase bugs me...He's always here so how come we say He "shows up?") and something spectacular always happens.

I can be stubborn, though. One of my biggest struggles is one of discernment. I have a long and intimate relationship with doubt, my natural reaction is to question things. Because of this, there are two huge challenges for me in my deepening walk with Christ.

First, I doubt that I'm hearing "Him". It often comes on like a whisper, like a gentle nudge into a certain direction. It's kind of like this...you're driving down a highway on a long trip. It's straight and monotonous (I live in Oklahoma, there's a lot of highways like that around here). So you phase out a little bit. You don't notice everything around you. Suddenly there's an off-ramp. Is this my exit? You vaguely remember seeing a sign, but you weren't paying attention. Yet as your mind plays back the last few miles, you do recall the sign, the details come into a little bit sharper focus. Yes, this is your exit. But as you commit, as you pull off, you still wonder...was there really a sign? That is what I do when I first hear that whisper. I tend to keep cruising along, believing it's easier to turn around and come back than to bother slowing down. So I doubt that the sign was there, and I keep cruising along.

Second, I can't tell if it's "my will" or His. Do I have the thoughts running around in my head in order to indulge or satisfy my own glory? I'm not one that believes God will smite me if I take a wrong turn, but when it's something big I'd sure rather be doing it for His will than mine!

Right now I'm stuck. I have something big going down. Something life changing, the kind of thing I don't mind doing in order to honor God, to change the world. It requires stepping out of my comfort zone, to completely shake up this life that I'm used to and relatively comfortable in. That's not quite right...really, I feel like I live outside my comfort zone because of my desire to follow Him. This would be huge, though. And, I've passed enough road signs to be relatively sure that this is the exit I need to take. But am I supposed to let it unfold, or I am I supposed to push it along. Is this the time to stand in faith or press forward through the obstacles?

Since action can be tough (and final) my inclination is to say it's time to wait. That's the more prudent thing to do. Don't rush into anything. Spend more time in prayer, wait for additional guidance. But, to paraphrase what happened in the book of Joshua, sometimes God has already given me all the direction He needs to and then it's time to get up off my knees and act. Am I there?

Be Still

Surely everyone is familiar with the verse from Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God."  I've seen it printed on everything from hot pads to t-shirts.  Be still.  That's not the pace my life runs at.  It's not just that I don't have time to "Be still" it's that I don't think I remember how.

Why?  Why are we supposed to take the time to be still and know that He is God?  I mean, I'm living my life for Him already, right?  I am a living sacrifice.  I've surrendered my life to Him to be used as He sees fit.  I worship Him and lead others into worship as well.  So, why the need to be still?

Life is chaotic.  With two kids (soccer, school, etc), both parents working full time (or more), dedication to multiple roles in multiple ministries...yeah, life is just a little hectic.  It's easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life.  Sometimes it feels like I'm hanging on by a thread, like one more source of stress, irritation, or even resentment, will cause something to come crashing down.  It might cause everything to come crashing down.  

One verse earlier in the Bible, it says "He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth."  Psalm 46 starts with "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the hearth of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."    I believe wars are more common than just Iraq or Afghanistan.  Wars happen every day, between friends, co-workers, family members, spouses...any place there is a relationship between two people a war can break out.  Yet He can make wars cease.  He can eliminate the conflict in my life (and yours).  He also can be a refuge.  I like the sound of that.  I envision that as Jesus physically holding and comforting me during my trials.  All I have to do is turn to Him.

When we're caught in the middle of this storm of chaos and confusion, it can be difficult to hear God.  It can be difficult to trust Him to come through for us.  When I'm overwhelmed, I think about everything I should be doing and how I can get it done..more lists, more coffee, less sleep, get this done, get that done.  It's all up to me.  When I take time to be still, that is when I pray.  That is when my soul opens up to Him.  I see and know that He is more powerful than any stress in my life.  He can move mountains, He can deliver entire nations from annihilation.  It is in stillness and in prayer that I can open myself up and let go.  I see that the chaos in my life is insignificant when compared to His glory.  

In one famous passage of the old testament, God spoke in a whisper that followed a chaotic storm.  I urge you, listen for that whisper.  You may have to be still to hear it, so find a moment and carve out some peace.  Open up to Him, and listen.

Be still.  He is God.