When dreams die

“A vision without action is just a dream; an action without vision just passes time; a vision with an action changes the world.” - Nelson Mandela

I recently connected with 23 people. We are different ages and different walks of life, all united because we are dreamers. Some of us may even be visionaries. We were brought together and challenged to take our vision and put some action behind it. Change the world.

The visions vary in size. Some are personal, like loosing weight or getting in shape. Some are job focused, like being a better manager or finding that elusive job that will blossom into a career. Some sound crazy, like playing catch with the president or spending 24 hours in prayer.

Each dream is important, though. Each one is a living, breathing thing. They need to be nurtured and fed, especially when they are just learning to walk. As they get stronger, they gain momentum. The dreamer suddenly isn't stuck anymore. Instead of coaxing their dream along, they find themselves running to keep up. It's a beautiful thing.

Each of us have limited time that we can put into these efforts. It isn't like someone is paying us to do all the hustling that is required to turn vision into reality. For each of us, some level of sacrifice is required. For me, I've been getting up a couple of hours early every morning so I can write. I can't say it's been easy. The mornings aren't bad, but the nights are kind of tough. But it's been worth it. Feeding your dreams are always worth it.

I just sent in a two-week status update of our challenge. There were only nine project updates. Each of those nine had incredible updates, even the ones that said "not a lot of progress this week, but I'm hanging in there." Forward progress, no matter how small, is always beautiful. It's motivating and inspiring to watch. But I can't help but wonder about the other 14. What happened to their dreams this week?

See, I know that if you fail to feed your dreams, they tend to atrophy and die. God made each of us unique, and not everyone is a dreamer. Having witnessed the birth of such beautiful dreams, it is sad to think that so many died so young.

Did those dreams die?

One Failure

My challenge for today is to let go of one failure. I hate failure. I avoid it whenever possible.

The truth is, I have failed at many things. Large and small. I fail at things every day. My awareness of my own failures may be one of the reasons I'm so addicted to and appreciative of radical, outrageous grace. Which leads me to the failure that I need to let go of tonight.

Love. I fail so miserably at love. My relationship and experience with God has lead me to an understanding of unconditional love. It's the most life-changing, transformational, and powerful force in the universe. It's the ultimate answer to the old "WWJD" bracelets. Jesus would love. Unconditionally. No matter what.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. To be honest, though, I'd rather teach or write about unconditional love than actually get out there and do it. I choose "safe" over "all in" way too often. It's much cleaner to split hairs between what love really looks like, rationalizing our tendencies to stay detached from messy situations. Ultimately, I spend more time discussing love and justifying inaction than taking bold steps of unconditional love.

At some level, though, that's the point. I'm continually stumbling and falling down. The realization of my own failure in this doesn't make me feel pitiful or worthless. Instead, it drives me right back into the arms of Jesus. Like so many other people that have found themselves there, He picks me back up, demonstrating what unconditional love really looks like, and then encourages me to get back in the game.

Realizing that helps me to understand the potential depths of love a little more. I can live with that.

Lost shades

My shades and I in Gravatai, Brazil 2011

I lost my sunglasses yesterday. They were old. The lenses were scratched. Superglue held the rubber nose pieces in place. In just the last two weeks I had been thinking about getting a new pair. But that's not the point. I hate to lose things. Maybe I'd eccentric, maybe I'm mental. But I hate to lose things.

This past week was awesome. Jon Acuff's great (and top secret) "Start Experiment" kicked off Monday. I woke up at 5AM every day and wrote, wrote, wrote. Our small group of local STARTers (props to group #60) has inspired each other while kicking our own goals in the pants. But Saturday I lost my sunglasses.

Because of my eccentricities (or insanity), this awesome week almost became defined by my loss, not by my gains. One thousand incredible experiences, a renewed walk with God, a handful of new and incredible friends were almost overshadowed by shades. Almost.

Walking the street of Queluz

Today, my task is to make a quit list. Things I can quit today to free up more time, energy, or hope for my dream.

With Milton and Ricardo in Gravatai 2011

1. Stop letting temporary, trivial, or insignificant things overshadow the awesome, life-changing, or even ordinary things in life. Let. It. Go.
2. Quit the negative self-talk. My wife is my biggest fan, speaking words of encouragement into my life daily. She needs some support, so I think I'll help her out. My action step: find one promise of God in the Bible every morning and then keep it in my head all day.
3. Quit participating in gossip. Last week was so good that I became much more aware of the negative talk around me. I realized that I normally participate in it. Talking about others is an energy drain, unless we are bragging on them.

Yeah, I'm sentimental. Those glasses had been with me to Brazil. Twice. I wore them everywhere. I've walked miles and miles with them on my head or my face. The thing is, those glasses aren't the memory. Those shades weren't the experience. They were just a $10 pair of Walmart shade. Those experiences were awesome, the memories were awesome, walking with God was awesome. Those shades were just shades.

In an old cemetery in Queluz, 2012

Check yourself

Shine!

On day one of Jon Acuff's Start Experiment, he challenged us to take an action step toward our goal. For some reason I thought he meant just one for day one. Apparently he meant one that we could repeat every day! 

This was my response:

"My action step for today is to write a blog post about Day One. It will be called 'Side effects' and I'll post it to my blog before I shut down for the night. Tomorrow I'll be up at 5 to work on the book."

Before unpacking the challenge, a few observations:

1. More leads to more. Whether following God or in writing, the more action I take, the deeper it gets. The more prolific my writing gets and the more profound my God gets. 
2. Perspiration is more important than inspiration. Although I don't like to believe that, Old Ben was right (that's Franklin, not Kenobi).

At first glance, it looks like my action step was to write one blog post. Looking back on the week, the goal (if I am allowed to set goals retroactively) was to get up at 5AM and work on the book every day.

The experience of this week has taught me that it is possible to disrupt the comfort of my own life in order to make room for pursuing God and the work He has set before me. As of this morning, the word count in the book is about 5600. Three weeks ago it was 0. Sunday night it was about 1200. That seems like a good start to me. Right now I've got some incredible momentum.

Additionally, this week my life has become deeper and more rich. The relationships I've made this week with other dreamers and visionaries has been incredible. I woke up at four o'clock on Friday morning to have breakfast with four other people that are not only outrageous dreamers but also outrageous doers. Intention will get you nowhere. That magical intersection of vision and hustle is the sweet spot that we crave. Being surrounded by people like that is extremely motivating and inspirational. If I hadn't been getting up a 5 on Monday through Thursday, there's no way I would've made it to that breakfast on Friday. In a way, it was like a reward for the obedience of the week.

Which leads to the more important area of the week. For me, writing this book is an act of obedience to God. By actually doing it, I've rediscovered a nearness to Him that has been eluding me in the last few months. Sitting down with a Bible, a prayer, and a blank page has led me to incredible new insight into God. It has been delightful diving into Job and Genesis with fresh eyes this week and following where He leads. On one hand, I'd love to share it with the world, but on the other I know that if this persistence act of obedience is simply between me and God then that is sufficient.

In addition to the book, have I written more this week? After all, that was the heart of the first part of that action step. My response is yes, but not over the top or outrageously. This is the third post on this blog this week, which is definitely above average. I did transcribe another very short post for my dog Pete this week as well. Privately, I've spent quite a bit of time (and words) writing email to my new friends. I've done a little bit of analog journaling this week as well.

Was week one awesome? Check. What action goals can I set for week two? I will continue to get up at 5AM and write. It's amazing what it is like to begin writing in that open space that is found in the darkness before the sun rises. Additional goals are to write at least one blog post on each of my (5) blogs.

What fear fears

Week one of Jon Acuff's ambitious "Start Experiment" is wrapping up. About 2,400 people courageously volunteered to pursue their dream with a newfound boldness and vigor for 24 straight days. It's time to ignore all that fear and all those excuses that can be paralyzing.

One of the funny things about fear is that there are so many things that scare it. For example, a community of friends that are all courageous enough to not only take bold action against their own fear, but battle to help others conquer it too. Apparently fear also isn't an early riser. I woke up at five every day this week and started busting tail. Some days fear didn't show up at all. 

One of the most powerful ways to battle fear, though, is with truth. Today's lesson (or challenge) in the Start Experiment is to fight each item in my "fear list" with a sentence of truth. 

It's late. I'm tired. I had such great plans for this list. But, in the long run it's more important to have this done than it is to have it perfect.

Fear: I'm not good enough.

Fact: I have been lead to where I am and prepared for the task at hand. 

 

Fear: I'm not experienced enough

Fact: I've been writing for years. My problem is not with experience, it is with hustle.

Fear: I'm not qualified to write about this

Fact: Write what you know. Life experience matters more than classroom time or a piece of paper.

Fear: I don't have time to write, edit, or finish

Fact: I set the alarm early 5 days this week (so far.) Off the cuff I would estimate I wrote close to 3000 words in the book, even though I had other plans 2 mornings. Those are facts, not theories. The time is there, ready to be filled.

Fear: The structure of the book is wrong.

Fact: so what. The content is what counts, the structure is flexible. Copy, paste, edit the transitions.

Fear: Once the book is done, it will need a complete rewrite.

Fact: nonsense. Edits, yes. Rewrite...that's silly.

Fear: I will run out of words.

Fact: this has never happened. I know from experience that the more I write, the more I write. It doesn't go the other way.

Fear: I'm feeding my own ego instead of pursuing God's will.

Fact: He started this, He will see it through. Like everything else He has led me through, my job is to humbly seek and follow Him.

Fear: I'll fail again.

Fact: Only if I listen to fear.

Fear: I'll sacrifice too much. Family, marriage, health, friendships.

Fact: My family and friends are the best. Not only do they love me and support all my crazy dreams, they are wise enough and courageous enough to tell me when I'm veering away from the important things in life.

(Written hastily from my iPhone as I hustle off to bed)

Side Effects

I woke up this morning at 5AM. It was raining. For some reason I was shocked to learn that it was still pitch black outside that early.

Start!

Let me step back a minute... I've been a fan of Jon Acuff for a few years now. As part of the release for his new book, Start, he has kicked off a "Start Experiment." He is assembling a community of people that are passionate about their dreams but have maybe put their dreams aside. The book is all about hustle, ignoring fears, and taking bold steps toward your dream. So today, on day one, I got up at 5. In the morning.

My "project" is something very dear to me. It's so close to my heart that I haven't talked to many people about it. It might even sound crazy. Wait a second, did that sound a little like fear creeping in?

I've seen God do incredible things in the last five years. There was an incredible patch in late 2011 when I went on my first mission trip (Brazil). Shortly after was a volunteer chaplain at the state fair, ministering and loving the carnies. During that time I was developing Sunday School curriculum. I was also leading worship and small groups in a recovery ministry. A few other things too. God was so real then. I could sense Him with every breath I took. Every time I heard God ask me to move, I would move. Then I stopped.

God gave me a book. Well, first He gave me a Sunday School series, like He always does. But once it was over, it was pretty clear that it was supposed to turn into a book. The three week series was to grow into a three part book. There was an outline. A title. A bow on top. But I resisted.

My life has still been incredible. I still see God at work in me, through me, and around me. But it isn't quite the same. I'm not breathing in grace and breathing out praise. I'm not saying "Yes, Lord" to EVERYTHING anymore. I haven't started that book. Until now.

Today was day one of the Start Experiment. I got up at 5AM. I couldn't watch the lovely birds outside my window while I was working because it was still dark. And raining. But I could write. And I did. And it was good. It was freeing.

After that, I tackled the rest of my day. When my wife stumbled out of bed, full of sleepy eyes and bed-head hair, she looked radiant to me. As the kids gave me good-bye hugs it felt like I was on "Leave it to Beaver." I'm living a blessed life. I made it to work slightly later than usual, but managed to get the best parking spot ever. Once inside, the little things that typically to bug me about my job seemed almost delightful. Entertaining, maybe. Either way, they couldn't penetrate this bubble I was in. I took a long walk with a good friend at lunch. The weather was unseasonably perfect. All day long I was simply delighting in life. It was like God was shouting to me, "Trust me! I know what's best, and I'll take care of you. Trust me."

I thought that I was just getting up at 5. Apparently this is what it feels like to step back squarely into God's will. I'd call day one a productive one.