Show me (state) agape

Agape love. The highest of the types of love talked about in the Bible. Selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.

Right now there's a young lady writing an essay for English class. The topic is Redeeming Love. Her theme is agape love. She's sitting right across from me, struggling to find the words.

As I sit here typing this post, she's asking an occasional question. I help out when I can, but mostly I sit here and write. I'm typing here in order to give her room to find her own words. Sometimes I can't help but write. But when it comes to love, we've all got to find our own voice. Our own words. So I give her space.

So what does a 17 year old Missouri girl know about agape love?

As she types, does she realize how surrounded she is by what she's writing about? Teachers at school and at church. Friends. Us. Her. God.

She's telling me stories. It's just snippets from a book, but it's so clear. The purest love is the most powerful force in the universe. It changes lives. It changes eternities. It has changed me.

We're just beginning this journey. There are a million different paths this adventure could take us down.

Yes, love is powerful. But there is always risk associated with love. There is a vulnerability required. It'll break your heart. Every. Single. Time. This is going to break my heart. I already know. But it's still worth it. It's worth living for and it's worth every sacrifice.

Every. Single. Time.

1 in 1000

There's this guy I know. He's real into self-preservation. Don't get me wrong, he likes to be around people. He's real friendly and everything. But he is guarded. I would say he has a different mask for each occasion, but it's more like one really futuristic mask that changes color and shape on the fly. It keeps the important stuff hidden and safe.

Yeah, he's pretty well protected inside the walls he's built. Never lets anyone inside. See, there's a little kid in there that is still alone and scared. That guy is protecting that little kid. If he opens the door, shining light into his deepest hopes and dreams, some of that light might fall onto his insecurity and fears as well. So he keeps everything locked up tight.

This other guy I know is the opposite. Wears his heart on his sleeve. His friends think he's pretty naive... he takes people at their word. When he meets someone new, he looks them in the eye. Deeply. He looks into their soul and invites them into his. Once in a blue moon, he connects with another naive dreamer. Someone who isn't afraid to love fearlessly.

Love fearlessly? Don't get confused here, this is important. I'm not talking about lust or romance. I'm talking about something deeper than that. When you get it, you connect at a level that goes beyond words. It can be love of a friend, brother, sister, parent, spouse, or child. Fearless love doesn't just break down walls, it makes them disappear so completely it's like they never existed. That's where true freedom lives.

Most people can't do it. It leaves them too vulnerable. The few that can are only successful to varying degrees. So what do you do? Do you hold onto that hope, waiting for someone else to take the first step? By no means. You dive in whenever you can, to whatever degree that you can. Love without fear, condition, or reservation. I'm not gonna lie to you...it'll break your heart 999 times out of 1000. The 999 will leave you with incredible stories of adventure, struggle, overcoming, hope, new life, redemption, failure, isolation, and brokenness. But that one...number 1000...that one makes it all worth it. Every time.

One Failure

My challenge for today is to let go of one failure. I hate failure. I avoid it whenever possible.

The truth is, I have failed at many things. Large and small. I fail at things every day. My awareness of my own failures may be one of the reasons I'm so addicted to and appreciative of radical, outrageous grace. Which leads me to the failure that I need to let go of tonight.

Love. I fail so miserably at love. My relationship and experience with God has lead me to an understanding of unconditional love. It's the most life-changing, transformational, and powerful force in the universe. It's the ultimate answer to the old "WWJD" bracelets. Jesus would love. Unconditionally. No matter what.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. To be honest, though, I'd rather teach or write about unconditional love than actually get out there and do it. I choose "safe" over "all in" way too often. It's much cleaner to split hairs between what love really looks like, rationalizing our tendencies to stay detached from messy situations. Ultimately, I spend more time discussing love and justifying inaction than taking bold steps of unconditional love.

At some level, though, that's the point. I'm continually stumbling and falling down. The realization of my own failure in this doesn't make me feel pitiful or worthless. Instead, it drives me right back into the arms of Jesus. Like so many other people that have found themselves there, He picks me back up, demonstrating what unconditional love really looks like, and then encourages me to get back in the game.

Realizing that helps me to understand the potential depths of love a little more. I can live with that.

Never Surrender

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end...we shall never surrender." - Winston Churchill

Many amazing and inspiring people have come in and out of my life. So many incredible men of God have crossed my path in the past few years. It's humbling and incredible. They have played the role of mentor, teacher, counselor, student, or brother.

One of the callings that God has somehow put into me is a passion to reach and minister to people with addictions. As a result, I have become close friends with a few former meth addicts. I hate meth. Meth sucks. It destroys lives. The side effects I've seen in people are permanent and undermine every positive part of life.

Russ (not his real name) was a brother to me. For many, many months, he was always the one that was there when I needed support. When I was struggling and feeling alone, he spoke truth into my life. I'd like to hope I did the same for him. He introduced me and prayed for me when I gave my testimony to recovering addicts. I did the same for him. But then the past crept back in. He grew distant. Gradually, one small step at a time, he slipped away. Consumed by his past. I don't know where he is now. This incredible, transformed man of God that meant so much to me is now gone. Probably forever. The damage from the past was too big of a burden, but he insisted on carrying it alone.

Over the past 6 months I've seen the same start to happen in another brother of mine. This is a man that I would look to for proof of God's life-transforming power. There were many times I doubted the transformation that had happened in me. I thought it would be temporary or that somehow it was fake. When I saw this guy's walk with Christ and heard his testimony, I knew that everything was real. I was close enough to know he wasn't faking. But now, years later, he's bogged down. To say he is backsliding would be an understatement.

I have silently watched him slip away as I have been praying for a phone call from him. Begging for him to reach out to me. Praying for a cry for help. Instead I've only seen taillights in the distance. Now he's almost gone.

So now it's time to pursue. Because that's what love does. Love acts. Love fights. Love rescues. Love never surrenders. I know God hasn't given up. I won't give up either.

Philippians 1:21

What I know of love

What do you know of love? Maybe it's that love hurts. It requires an openness and trust that leaves you unprotected. Vulnerable. This world can be so cruel. Fully exposing your heart can be fatal.

I've been with my sweet lady since we were 16--way too young to know what love is. Like Jason Mraz says, "it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to know what love is." She and I have been learning what love is for over twenty years now. I don't know everything, but I've taken some notes along the way.

This is what I know of love.

Love is patient and full of grace. It always sees the best in others. Even at our worst, love has hope. Love endures. Love doesn't give up. I know this because I've seen it. I've lived it.

Unconditional love seems crazy. Why love someone that can't or won't return your love in the way you deserve? Why love someone totally, completely, and selflessly? Because it is the most powerful force in the universe. I have never seen true life change happen any other way. However, I could fill the internet with stories of lives changed because of unconditional love...lives changed through undeserved grace.

My sweetie taught me all about this by living it, by walking it out regardless of the consequences. She has loved me fearlessly and persistently through the highest mountains of my life and the deepest valleys. She has loved me when I didn't love myself. She has had hope where I thought no hope was possible. She has always seen and been a light in the darkest of nights. She chose to stay and fight every time it would've been easier to give up and go. We have learned to rejoice with each other for the sweet times in life. Together we have discovered the joy of parenthood, family, and growing old. Love taught us to cling ever so tightly to each other in life's storms.

Her example of love helped open my heart to begin to understand the nature of the love of God that He demonstrated through His son, Jesus. He loves us like that...unconditionally and full of grace. This incredible love that I have experienced from my gal--as unbelievable as it is--is a broken, imperfect refection of the immense and unconditional love of our creator. I find that incredibly humbling, driving me to my knees.

If I could wish two things for you, it would be that you experience this kind of love from another person here on earth and that you discover the love of Christ. Each will change your life beyond recognition. In the best possible way.

My friends, I believe one of the greatest treasures we have in this world is each other. We were created for relationships. To love on another. Fearlessly. To live a life with walls around your heart may keep some bad things out. It also keeps out so much good stuff. Over these last twenty(ish) years, my honey and I have found a few things we repeat to each other:

Love is messy. Love can hurt. 

But love is worth it. 

Every time.

Bored?

People close to me have asserted lately that if you're a Christian and your life is boring, you're missing out on something. In fact, I've heard lately that if you don't remember the last incredible thing that God did in your life, you are probably "doing it wrong." This isn't a health/wealth prosperity gospel variant at all, this comment was intended to be deeper, more personal. There are times God has used us in incredible and humbling ways that didn't lead to outrageous prosperity or fortune...our reward was simply being present when some incredible life change happened for someone else. Our reward was to be a witness to a miracle.

Now, I'm not one that believes that there are different levels of salvation. Saved is saved. If you're saved, it's impossible to be more saved. However, I am a firm believer in spiritual growth, commonly called discipleship.  Salvation happens once and is life-changing. Through spiritual growth, a relationship with God is developed.  If you stop at salvation, you miss out on the intimacy of a relationship with Jesus. You miss out on the guidance and assurance available through that relationship. You also miss out on the life of significance and adventure that is the result of a passionate pursuit of God (and His passionate pursuit of you.)

Am I great at this? Absolutely not. I was recently asked which of these five areas I was best at: prayer, solitude (in the context of Jesus isolating himself to focus on his relationship with the father), small group, time in the word, and trust in the unconditional love and guidance of the Father.  My honest answer was that I completely suck at all of them. Sure, I happen to be in the habit of consistently attempting them all, and maybe God's giving me credit for that. But, honestly, when judged on my results, I'm failing miserably.

Fortunately for me, I am not judged on my results. It isn't my effort that matters, and God seems like he's not done with me yet. This is still an incredible journey he's got me on. He continues to teach me about grace and unconditional love. His favorite teaching method seems to be continually giving both to me.

Call To Arms

Trust 30 : Day 26 (prompt by Sasha Dichter)

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.

You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!

Let us do nothing out of hate, malice, anger, or vengeance. Let our lives and everything in them be shaped by love. In ever situation let us strive to do the right thing, and in a way that doesn't tear anyone down but only lifts them up.

Christ has called us to be His hands and feet, continuing His work here on earth. He has called us to comfort the afflicted, feed the hungry, free those that are in chains, and provide for widows and orphans. I believe if we unite and take this call seriously we would see humanity transformed in less than a generation.

People are desperately looking for a savior. In America, more and more it is the role of the government to feed the needy and help the broken. Many Christians I know believe the growth of government is a horrible thing. They spend many hours in fruitless worry and frustration, fretting about what this politician or that politician is doing. But what if we stopped looking to the politicians? What if we stop focusing on what Thomas Jefferson said and instead focused on the vision Christ had for humanity? What if we let that guide our lives?

According to Wikipedia, there are approximately 2.2 Billion Christians on earth. If you self-identify as a Christian, you believe God sent His son Jesus to earth to save humanity. We all agree on that. Whether we do or don't dance or drink; whether we wear suits or shorts to church; whether we rock out or chant acappela in worship -- we are one body united in Christ. We are diverse, there is no doubt. And we are all called to serve Him. If even a small percentage of us united around this fact, we could shake the earth.

Imagine a country where food stamps weren't needed because "the church" not only fed the hungry but lifted them out of their situation in love, helping them find new life and purpose here on earth. Imagine a country where medicare wasn't necessary because the church provided for the medical needs of the old and ill. Imagine a country where those that lost their employment were taken in by the church, helped along, and retrained for a new vocation. Imagine a country where the church was so full of love and faith that there were no orphans or foster children because there were so many loving families willing to take them in. There are already Christian organizations doing each of these things, making a real difference. They are generally under-funded and under-publicized, but the framework is already there. 

What if we spent our time and money doing all these things in a way characterized with love, compassion, and joy? What if we used our "time, treasure, and talent" for this instead of on tracts and superficial outreach? What would it say about our church if outsiders were drawn to it because they see the good work we are doing, the real difference we are making and they want to be a part of it? What if we actually welcomed in the non-believers, the "sinners," and those that normally feel out of place in church to serve along side us?

I believe this is not only possible, but essential. I believe we are called to live united. Let us break down the walls that divide us. If we stopped focusing on our differences so much, we would realize that we have much in common. Let's unite and conquer.

One Thing

Trust30 Day 15

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing…

I have two incredible kids. This isn't just the typical fatherhood bias either. I've known a lot of people in my time, and these two are beyond description. I thank God that He put them in my life. I'd love to take the credit for how wonderful they are, but I'm wise enough to know that I can't. It's God's hand that has shaped them into fine young men.

For my "one shot," I abandoned things like becoming a mutli-millionaire, owning an exotic car, and many professional achievements long ago. I've discovered that the impact I would like to leave on the world is through the people I meet. Love God, love others.

My two sons are first and foremost on my list. Being a father to them, helping to shape them into men, is an art form. Staying involved but giving them room to grow. Guiding their interests without forcing them into mine. Teaching them to love God without teaching them to hate church. Without brainwashing. Encouraging their questions. Always taking time to listen, respecting them as the people that they are. Delighting in their interests. Being proud of them and loving them, no matter what.

So where does it stop? If I've been blessed with these two...if I feel that the most significant thing I've done in life is raising these two...doesn't it make sense to have more?

I used to fear that adding another to the mix would upset the chemistry. It'd be harmful to the two that I already have and love so much. I also fear that I'm too old. I'm very good at calculating how old I'd be when the next one made it out of high school. I can think of a million more reasons not to dream of this. But then there's the love.

The love. Sweetie and I had a conversation years ago about this. That is one thing we feel we do well. And it's what is missing from the lives of so many kids. If God gave us this capacity for love, shouldn't we use it? We know we have enough love for more. We know we have a big enough God for more. Isn't that the work that I do? That's what fills me, that's what brings me to life.

Surprise!

Trust30 : Day 13

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

So much about my transformation has been surprising. Astounding, even. Actually, it's been beyond belief. An outright miracle. For example, in a few short years I've gone from being a life-long, die-hard atheist to being a Sunday School teacher developing my own curriculum...specializing in life change, authenticity, and reaching those that are hurting. And I know it's just the beginning.

Another example...I didn't think I could ever sing and play guitar. My entire life I rarely sang in private, much less in public. Yet when the time came, I stepped into the role of band leader. Not only did I sing and play a couple of times a week for a year, but arranged the set lists and coached the other band members along. It was unbelievable. And surprising. 

The common denominator in every surprise has been a strong trust in God. When I've tried to force things along they just don't work out. When I trust Him amazing things happen. This week I will surprise myself. He will surprise me. I will find a way to lean more fully into God for the things that are unresolved in my life. I will trust Him to give me the courage and the words to do what is right as well as what is necessary. He will use my willingness to make a difference this week. 

Insist

Trust 30 Challenge, Day 11

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

At this point in my life I don't think I need to transform into a newborn me. I have already been transformed. The rest of my life will be a process of embracing this transformation. 

My kids switched schools two years ago. Since that move I have seen an astounding change in them. What's wild is that they haven't changed into someone different than who they already were. They have become more fully themselves. This is an ongoing process in me, too.

I believe my "uniqueness" is to live out my faith in Christ in a way that bucks tradition. One example is that I choose to love, not to judge. Here's a thought...you may remember that in Genesis God created the rainbow as a symbol of His covenant with Noah after the flood. Every time we see a rainbow we are to remember that He loves us and, no matter how bad things look, He isn't going to wipe out the human race. Now look at a Pride parade. Rainbows everywhere. Is our response, as Christians, to be angry that they hijacked this symbol? Or is it for us to look at them and realize that God loves each and every one of them as much as He loves us? Maybe they didn't hijack the symbol at all, maybe He filled that movement with rainbows for a reason. Hmmmmm. 

I'm not saying that choosing to love is easy (or that I'm an expert). And loving is different than endorsing. I have a lot of Christian friends that are making poor, non-Biblical decisions in their lives. Honestly, so am I. Debt, gluttony, porn addiction, love of money...the potential list goes on and on. And yet these are typically overlooked and even joked about while welcoming each other to church. We love each other through it, accepting without condemnation but also without necessarily condoning. With those we're closest to we may feel comfortable with a confrontation, but those are pretty rare.  I'm saying let's take it a step further and love those that we are supposed to be against. In fact, I insist on it.