Afraid

Trust 30 - Day 9

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

I don't think there's anything that's too scary for me to write about. It's hitting "publish" that's tough. And what's harder still is taking the action in the "real world." So instead of focusing on "what's too scary to write about" I'm going to venture toward "what am I afraid to do?"

I hate conflict. I think the world would be a better place if we all could let go of ourselves a little bit and learn to listen to each other. I believe that if genuinely try to understand each other, most conflict can be resolved. When we see others as individuals instead of as resources, relationships can be built. Community follows from these relationships. And authentic communities can change the world.

Unfortunately, I'm into conflict avoidance instead of conflict resolution. Conflict resolution brings the conflict into the light, exposing it with love, truth, and patience. As much as I want to have happy, healthy relationships, I also don't want to jeopardize a single one. So I'm scared. I avoid anything that could potentially damage a relationship. I'd rather knowingly swallow poison myself than take risk the loss of a relationship with someone I love.

But this can't go on indefinitely.That's what I'm realizing and trying to work through. Pretending the conflict and hurt isn't there is lying. And lying always damages relationships no matter what the intentions behind the lie are. But I'm afraid to make the first move.