Trust 30 - Day 9
The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
I don't think there's anything that's too scary for me to write about. It's hitting "publish" that's tough. And what's harder still is taking the action in the "real world." So instead of focusing on "what's too scary to write about" I'm going to venture toward "what am I afraid to do?"
I hate conflict. I think the world would be a better place if we all could let go of ourselves a little bit and learn to listen to each other. I believe that if genuinely try to understand each other, most conflict can be resolved. When we see others as individuals instead of as resources, relationships can be built. Community follows from these relationships. And authentic communities can change the world.
Unfortunately, I'm into conflict avoidance instead of conflict resolution. Conflict resolution brings the conflict into the light, exposing it with love, truth, and patience. As much as I want to have happy, healthy relationships, I also don't want to jeopardize a single one. So I'm scared. I avoid anything that could potentially damage a relationship. I'd rather knowingly swallow poison myself than take risk the loss of a relationship with someone I love.
But this can't go on indefinitely.That's what I'm realizing and trying to work through. Pretending the conflict and hurt isn't there is lying. And lying always damages relationships no matter what the intentions behind the lie are. But I'm afraid to make the first move.
4 comments:
Conflict avoidance is baked into our culture. It's good manners. However, relationships that use this approach over time get weighed down... until they don't feel like the relationships they're supposed to be. Nice post. Keep it up!
Thanks for the feedback and encouragement! I'm feeling the weight in a few important relationships right now...approaching the point where something must change.
Exposing yourself this way takes a lot of courage. Are you sure it's fear what's holding you back? Because if you're this brave, solving any conflict should be peanuts.
My guess is that you've attached an irrational idea to solving conflicts. Confronting your loved ones with your concerns won't drive them away, it'll bring you closer.
Change your mindset. Nobody else can ;-)
I agree with SocialMeteor - after a while conflict avoidance weighs relationships down....In saying that I could have written this post in relation to myself and my own life!
Thoughtful post.
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