Fear

Trust 30 : Day 12

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question

Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

• Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel? 

• Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

• Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Answer

Is fear holding me back? Absolutely. Sometimes I like to call it patience instead of fear, though. The areas of my life that I am most desperate to make breakthroughs in all have the same thing in common. I'm currently being "patient."

Background

Years ago I was working at a company that was laying off a lot of people. The role I was in at the time wasn't a good place for me to be. An assertive, extroverted buddy of mine said I should go to the VP's office and let him know I would be a better fit elsewhere. My buddy was right, of course, but I chose to do nothing. And got laid off. 

My Fear

The things that I worry about the most right now are things that feel like they're out of my control. They are things that I am being "patient" in. I'm working hard in the background hoping to get noticed, but not making any noise in the foreground. This includes a few relationships that I'm patiently clinging to as well as my professional and spiritual goals.

The Problem

In that early story, I lost my job. That's a bad thing. But as a result I found a career that fit me a lot better. That's a good thing. In fact, once I found another job, my career somehow fast-tracked and made up for lost time. Then the company I worked for shut down. That's a bad thing. But I landed a new job within a month. That's a good thing. And at the new job I got some incredible technical depth and met a couple of people that now mean quite a lot to me.

So why do I put up with my own inaction? Because my life is so incredible right now in spite of my own hesitations. God has been so good to me, and I trust that He will lead me where I need to go. When He wants me to act, I'll act. My prayer is that my heart and eyes are open to His prompting, and that I continue to have the courage to act when called. 

Is that just an excuse to continue living in fear?