Alive-est

Trust 30 : Day 28 (prompt by Sam Davidson)

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. If we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

I've mentioned a few times how crazy and incredible the last few years have been. Beyond words. All because God has been shaping and using me in incredible ways. When I compare my "before God" and "since God" lives, they hardly even compare. But alive? When have I felt the most alive? That's kind of odd.

I didn't grow up going to church much. Of course, growing up in Oklahoma I went some, but it never was an integral part of my life. So, true confession time here, I don't know how to "do" Sunday School. Yet here I am teaching it. It's been a very unusually collision of circumstances that have led me here.

When I was in the first phases of discovering Christ, I started attending this class. It was open and honest...about as close to a "mask-free" environment as I've ever seen. It wasn't very structured and I learned a lot. I grew to know and love the other people in the class. And then I felt the call...the call to do more, the call to give more, the call to serve more. There were a few transitions and I had the opportunity to teach a little. It was terrifying. Some times it was exhausting. But more often than not, I felt "filled" after teaching.

More recently, things have changed again. Since the beginning of 2010 I've been the "primary" teacher in the class. In a way, I've been casting the vision for the class. When my turn to teach comes up, I never seem to have trouble coming up with things to teach about. The Bible is so full, so rich, it seems to be an endless supply. Each week I have the honor of pursuing God on my own, listening for Him to guide me in a topic, and then presenting it to an amazing group of people. We still try to stay open and honest. We try to stay humble. We work on focusing on God, above everything else. I believe we're on a solid path of spiritual growth.

But this feeling of "being alive..." If there's something that's the opposite of stage fright, that's what happens after class. For example, this week the lesson has stuck with me. It keeps echoing back into my life. I'm seeing new facets of it that we didn't get to explore and I'm reflecting on all that we were able to cover. And I'm humbled. I'm amazed. I'm in awe of God. He's using me. Again. And it's awesome. Then I reflect on who I was and on who am I, and I'm humbled again. The fact that God would choose to use me for anything is amazing. The fact that He was able to somehow--beyond all hope, logic, or reason-- He was able to turn my face toward Himself. That He continues to pour His spirit into me, allowing me to continue gazing in His direction, continue learning, sharing, and serving...that makes me feel alive.