Show me (state) agape

Agape love. The highest of the types of love talked about in the Bible. Selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.

Right now there's a young lady writing an essay for English class. The topic is Redeeming Love. Her theme is agape love. She's sitting right across from me, struggling to find the words.

As I sit here typing this post, she's asking an occasional question. I help out when I can, but mostly I sit here and write. I'm typing here in order to give her room to find her own words. Sometimes I can't help but write. But when it comes to love, we've all got to find our own voice. Our own words. So I give her space.

So what does a 17 year old Missouri girl know about agape love?

As she types, does she realize how surrounded she is by what she's writing about? Teachers at school and at church. Friends. Us. Her. God.

She's telling me stories. It's just snippets from a book, but it's so clear. The purest love is the most powerful force in the universe. It changes lives. It changes eternities. It has changed me.

We're just beginning this journey. There are a million different paths this adventure could take us down.

Yes, love is powerful. But there is always risk associated with love. There is a vulnerability required. It'll break your heart. Every. Single. Time. This is going to break my heart. I already know. But it's still worth it. It's worth living for and it's worth every sacrifice.

Every. Single. Time.

Finding words

God has been so good to me. He has carefully cultivated relationships in my life. He brought an incredible woman into my life and taught us how to fearlessly, sacrificially, and unconditionally love each other as only spouses can. He has blessed me with two of the most incredible and inspiring sons that a father could ever hope to have. I find myself surrounded by a remarkable and tight-knit community of believers that aren't scared of authenticity and a little bit of crazy faith. I experience an astounding awe daily when I look around at the connections that God has put into my life. Deep and meaningful relationships. They believe in me. I believe in them. I've longed for this all my life and here it is. An unrealistic dream brought to life.

I thought my heart was full. It was overflowing with praise, love, grace, concern, and compassion. Although it's often messy, these experiences are deep and real. Ever present. Overwhelming in a good way.

But God wasn't done. See, my God isn't silent. He is a bold, over-the-top kind of God.

He has been showing me for a few years that our family isn't a family of four. It's bigger than that. It's not complete yet. I've been prepared for and open to what's to come. At least I thought I was. I would tell God, "use our family, use our house. Use our love. Use our lives. Lead the lost or abandoned to us. Make the path clear. We are willing." In my mind, I expected to find a baby on our doorstep someday.

I received a phone call while on a layover in the Denver airport. "K" needed a place. She's a very sweet 17 year old girl about to start her senior year of high school. The details of her story aren't for me to reveal. Without hesitation, without even a twinge of doubt, the answer was yes. There was no doubt this is at least part of what God has been preparing us for.

Like you would expect, once "K" moved in reality hit. Unlike what you'd expect, it has been natural and seamless. She fits beautifully into our house and our family, bringing new life where I never even realized it has been missing. It's like she was always meant to be with us.

I thought my heart was full. Since that phone call, it has swelled. It feels like it is simultaneously bursting and breaking. Overflowing with love for this new daughter I never knew I needed. Breaking at the thought of the time together we haven't had but grateful for the future that is in front of us. Bursting with laughter while wrestling with an aspect of fatherhood I didn't expect to experience. Delighting in the joy of emotions that keep surfacing unexpectedly. On one hand, suddenly having a 17 year old daughter is like learning to swim by jumping into the deep end of the ocean. On the other, when God makes these connections happen it all just works.

All I can say is welcome to the family, sweetie. We don't really live inside much of a comfort zone and I hope you're okay with that. We're a bit crazy here. This is the kind of crazy that draws us nearer to God. It's good to be this kind of crazy.

Start Experiment: Round Two

Hello friends. If there's one thing I want you to know about me, it's that I believe in you. I mean that, too. I believe in you.

That's really all that's important. If you're curious, though...

I've had a love/hate relationship with writing for a number of years. I was blogging in '99 before the term was invented. I started a novel then, too. It fizzled after about 70 pages, leaving deep wounds that drove me away from the craft. A few years later I started to blog. And teach (developing my own curriculum). And more blogs (now I have 5, none of which are maintained regularly).

Round one of the Jon Acuff's Start Experiment found me in an interesting place. Way back in January of 2012 I taught a three week series in church. A few months later, God showed me that my next step was to turn it into a book. He gave me the outline. If that sounds weird to you, join the club. It sounded weird to me too. But it's true.

For a year and a half, I said no. Send me overseas, call me to love the unlovable, that's all fine. Just don't make me write. He kept thumping me upside the head, making it more and more clear that I'm supposed to write this thing. So I have been. As far as I know, the book is supposed to be 9 chapters. I tried to finish 3 for round one. Didn't quite get there, but I got really close. I made way more progress than I ever thought possible. I established some awesome habits thanks to the Experiment and the support of my new friends.

My advice, if you're interested...write. Disrupt your scheduled as much as you need to, just write. I'm a night owl that has been getting up at 5AM for the past 24(ish) days. That time is truly sacred. I have an awesome family that I love to spend time with in the evenings. I have a day job that doesn't relate to writing much at all. It's important to carve out and guard that precious time in the morning.

More advice...find people to connect with. It's a proven fact that dreams can die of loneliness. Be as interested in someone else's dream as you are in yours. You can't fight for someone else's dream, but you can feed it and nurture it along. When you do that, you'll inexplicably discover your own dreams transforming rapidly into reality.

Brace yourself for awesome. You can do it. I believe in you.

1 in 1000

There's this guy I know. He's real into self-preservation. Don't get me wrong, he likes to be around people. He's real friendly and everything. But he is guarded. I would say he has a different mask for each occasion, but it's more like one really futuristic mask that changes color and shape on the fly. It keeps the important stuff hidden and safe.

Yeah, he's pretty well protected inside the walls he's built. Never lets anyone inside. See, there's a little kid in there that is still alone and scared. That guy is protecting that little kid. If he opens the door, shining light into his deepest hopes and dreams, some of that light might fall onto his insecurity and fears as well. So he keeps everything locked up tight.

This other guy I know is the opposite. Wears his heart on his sleeve. His friends think he's pretty naive... he takes people at their word. When he meets someone new, he looks them in the eye. Deeply. He looks into their soul and invites them into his. Once in a blue moon, he connects with another naive dreamer. Someone who isn't afraid to love fearlessly.

Love fearlessly? Don't get confused here, this is important. I'm not talking about lust or romance. I'm talking about something deeper than that. When you get it, you connect at a level that goes beyond words. It can be love of a friend, brother, sister, parent, spouse, or child. Fearless love doesn't just break down walls, it makes them disappear so completely it's like they never existed. That's where true freedom lives.

Most people can't do it. It leaves them too vulnerable. The few that can are only successful to varying degrees. So what do you do? Do you hold onto that hope, waiting for someone else to take the first step? By no means. You dive in whenever you can, to whatever degree that you can. Love without fear, condition, or reservation. I'm not gonna lie to you...it'll break your heart 999 times out of 1000. The 999 will leave you with incredible stories of adventure, struggle, overcoming, hope, new life, redemption, failure, isolation, and brokenness. But that one...number 1000...that one makes it all worth it. Every time.