One day I started going to church and the strangest thing happened. Yeah, that sounds like an abrupt about-face but the details are a story for another day. They aren't so important to today's tale.
When I went I found exactly what I expected. The average Christian still couldn't answer the tough questions I had. They also still sang slow and boring songs. They were nice enough, though. I kept an open mind. Not so much because of them, but because I was still seeking truth and I decided not to let these imperfect people stand between me and it. I decided I would give God a fair shot and not judge Him solely on the actions of His followers. I went back.
Mysteries Unfolding
What I found out ended up changing the trajectory of my life. God is real. The miracles I had been demanding from Him my whole life had been there all along. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I could see how active God's hand had been my entire life, even when I was fighting against Him. He had been pursuing me. Not to condemn me, but to love me. I had been blinded by my own arrogance and stubbornness.I discovered that the creator of the universe cared about me with a deep and personal love. He wanted me to be with Him. He wanted me to have a relationship with him. Even though I had been rebellious...even though I had actively tried to drive a wedge between Him and His followers. Even though I had done nothing to deserve it.
He showed me that He loved me so much He sent His only son to rescue me. God knew the cost would be His perfect and beloved son's life. God knew I wouldn't appreciate it. He knew I would treat His love with contempt. He knew I would return love with anger and hate. He sent Jesus anyway. That is an overwhelming, unconditional, and incomprehensible love! Why would He do that? It doesn't make sense.
That unraveled one of my last assumptions. I knew that kind of love wasn't something I was capable of. It wasn't something that was inside anyone I had ever met. In order to be "God," God couldn't think like me...like any of us. His ways would have to be different than ours. Higher in some way. He would have a lot more information at His disposal. A lot more experience, too. His perspective would be entirely different than ours. It would have to be. I don't know how I missed that all those years.
From Head to Heart
Once my mind was opened to the possibility--no, the reality--of God, my heart soon followed. I spent a lot of time wrestling with theology, trying to understand all the implications of what Christians believe. Along the way, the miracles started happening. They still haven't stopped. I had spent my entire life seeking truth, demanding evidence on my own terms. Once I gave up demanding and began seeking to just experience a relationship with God, the world opened up.Satisfied?
To answer the last question that remains...why Christianity? Believing in a higher power is one thing, but why the whole Jesus thing? My first answer is that it was through Jesus and Christianity that I experienced everything I've described above, everything I've written in this blog, and more than can possibly be imagined. I know Christianity is true because I have lived it. It holds up.In case that's not enough...I've studied the other major religions. I have lived a sensible, stable, productive non-religious life. It seems religion is man's way of trying to find his way to God. Religions define sets of rules and rituals that must be obeyed in order to please a distant God. Jesus, however, is God reaching toward us. Unlike Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Mormonism, Scientology, and even Judaism, in Christianity it is God that has done the work. Jesus accepts and welcomes everyone, no matter how broken or disobedient they are. God has given us the freedom to choose Him.
Bishop William Temple said that the only thing we contribute to our salvation is the sin that makes salvation necessary. It's scandalous. Offensive. Unique. But true.
