Surprise!

Trust30 : Day 13

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

So much about my transformation has been surprising. Astounding, even. Actually, it's been beyond belief. An outright miracle. For example, in a few short years I've gone from being a life-long, die-hard atheist to being a Sunday School teacher developing my own curriculum...specializing in life change, authenticity, and reaching those that are hurting. And I know it's just the beginning.

Another example...I didn't think I could ever sing and play guitar. My entire life I rarely sang in private, much less in public. Yet when the time came, I stepped into the role of band leader. Not only did I sing and play a couple of times a week for a year, but arranged the set lists and coached the other band members along. It was unbelievable. And surprising. 

The common denominator in every surprise has been a strong trust in God. When I've tried to force things along they just don't work out. When I trust Him amazing things happen. This week I will surprise myself. He will surprise me. I will find a way to lean more fully into God for the things that are unresolved in my life. I will trust Him to give me the courage and the words to do what is right as well as what is necessary. He will use my willingness to make a difference this week. 

Be Bold?

Trust 30 Challenge Day 7 : Dare to Be Bold

The question (with a little editing for the sake of brevity)

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The rest of the intro by Matt Cheuvront is here 

What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle. 

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

The Response

Like many of the other Trust30 challenge writers I've been reading, I'm already working/living toward the dream.

What have I always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue?

Trick question.  Choosing to pursue is the accomplishment.  I started life seeking awards, rewards, and pieces of paper.  Once earned they still leave something missing inside.  So I shoot higher.  But higher goals aren't the answer.  Publishing a book, having a million dollars in my checking account, or traveling the world will not fill that spot.  That doesn't mean those are worthless, it just means I can't hope for those things to complete us.

Living on faith in God while pursuing Him is the answer.  I feel like a broken record, but since I've put my own agenda aside and have instead pursued Christ and His will for my life, two things have happened:

1. Life has been sweet and fulfilling.  Much more so than I ever expected in my wildest dreams.  That empty spot stays full most of the time.
2. About 90% of the dreams I had for myself (that I had let go of) have come to fruition.  Each one a miracle. Most I didn't even ask for, they just happened. Things I had given up on years ago.  It's mind blowing.

Do I still have dreams?  Absolutely.  Even more now than before Christ found me.  I believe that God has given me a glimpse of what is to come in my life and it's a complete turn from what I'm doing now.  I have no idea how it will come about, but I trust Him.  In this one thing, this one dream, I am patient.  I don't see how I will get from here to there, but I just walk the road.  One step at a time, trusting the path.

Obstacles

My biggest obstacles are consequences of past mistakes.  Primarily debt.  Without this burden I'd be free to give even more away.  I'd have more freedom to pursue.  But these are debts that I owe, so I diligently pay them off.  I am fortunate to have a wife that has come to hate debt as much as I do...we knocked most of it out in 2010.  The rest (except the house) goes in 2011.  This is another area that God has worked in our lives...we began faithfully honoring him with every dollar that comes into our house and as a result paid of almost all of 20 years of accumulated debt in about a year.  God can do that when you let Him.

Tangible Plan

My tangible plan is to take my relationship with God to deeper levels.  I still doubt it when I feel Him directing me...it typically takes 3 nudges before I move.  I need to learn to recognize His direction more quickly. Not out of fear that He'll punish me...it's more that where He leads me is always incredible.

My plan is to continue to pursue Him by deliberate prayer time, worship, studying His word, and building a community of believers that seek the same thing.  And I won't stop talking about how awesome my God is.

It's an active process, not just sitting back waiting for Him to work. But the end result is life changing and eternal. And bold?  A life that is truly based on faith in God is as bold as it gets.

I can't keep it all in

I've been leading worship for about 8 months now.  The story of how that came to be is pretty amazing and unlikely, but it's for another day.

The first thing I had to do when I began leading worship was to submit.  The act of leading worship became an exercise in continual submission.  I am not a gifted musician.  I don't have a great voice.  The only way God can be glorified by my strumming and singing is if He is doing it through me.  And He does.  When I let Him.

Recently a song found me that was new to us.  We've been working on it a few weeks and the song has taught me new facets of worshiping God that I didn't know were there previously.  As a result, this song energizes me.  Because the act of singing it and playing it tunes my heart to God's pitch, I feel like I have an open conduit for the Holy Spirit to rain down into me.  I don't want to stop, I want to get my fill and let it overflow.  We have a count-down timer before we start the worship set and I could hardly contain myself watching it tick down.  It was in slow motion.  I needed to praise my King!  It's time for worship!  Even though "that song" wouldn't be played for another 45 minutes, I needed to shout and sing and glorify the Lord.  I almost felt like there was a crackling energy emanating sparking between me and the guitar and on up to heaven.

I used to have brief moments like this.  Not so deep or profound, but a taste of what being touched by the Holy Spirit was like.  It used to leave me drained.  We called it the Holy Hangover.  An encounter with God was always followed by an emotional valley.  It seemed inevitable.  Now I don't think that's the case.  When we allow Jesus to make our hearts new again, they are like a new wineskin.  They can hold more than before, they can hold a different type of liquid than before.  I feel like He's made my heart new again.  It's not broken like it was before.  When it's filled, it doesn't all spill out immediately, leaving an empty void.  Or maybe it is broken, but instead of brief moments of refilling my heart has learned how to constantly seek Him out, to constantly replenish from the source itself.  Where I previously thought that humans need a recovery period from our spiritual encounters, maybe the opposite is actually true.  Maybe it's that we're more whole when we strive to never cease these encounters.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power...