Just a quick note

I'm up later than I should be.  I'm just overwhelmed with all God is doing and what He is showing me right now.

As 2011 ended, I reflected on the year (like us melancholy types tend to do). Once I reflected on all God had done just in my life and through my life, this feeling of overwhelming, humbling awe consumed me and it hasn't left. I wondered if there was any way God could top 2011. Then I looked back farther. Every year since I became a fully devoted Christian has been orders of magnitude more crazy and miraculous than the previous one.

So 2012...rejoicing over God's revealed glory while eagerly anticipating whatever is next.

It's about availability, not ability

I have a love/hate relationship with writing.  I love to write.  But my standard for myself is so high that I can't allow myself to write.  I am always waiting for the elusive perfect and unique collision of inspiration and availability.

During the year that I lead worship, I sent out a set list to the band every week.  The idea was that everyone would be on the same page showing up to practice, plus it allows us to connect during the week.  We were all so new to the experience, I thought I should send out some inspirational words...share some verses and maybe some of my own insight and observations.  This weekly email became something I had to do.  And I couldn't just leave it at the list of songs, I had to share more.  After a few months, I realized that I was doing a lot of writing...and that I was actually looking forward to sitting down and typing out those emails.  I might not have any idea of what I was going to say when I started, but I would find myself writing for hours sometimes.  And it wasn't because I was inspired, it was because I made the time.

My time as worship leader was up a few months ago and I've not written much since then.  I find myself in a place where I have many thoughts I need to work out and it seems writing is the only way for me to do that.  I can't seem to make the time.

One thing I love to do is teach.  I love the way the spirit inspires me every week, I love searching through God's word for more inspiration, and I love getting up and leading people to a new understanding of stories they thought they new.  More than anything, I love seeing Christ change lives.  Including my own, which He does every time I teach!  Win-win.  One of my biggest challenges is limiting how much I cover each week.  Every week my wife asks me how it's going and my response has been consistently the same "Way too much to cover, not enough time." Tonight, as I was down to the bottom of the second page of typing, I started to think..."what if I organized my thoughts and threw them onto the blog and then simplified what I taught."  That would allow the class to be a little more interactive and discussion-oriented while allowing me to hit all the points I wanted to hit (just not in class).

In the interest of staying out of the state of denial, I would like to acknowledge right here and now that I understand a few things about this blog:  1.) the only person that ever reads it is my wife, and she only reads it because I get cranky if she doesn't.  2.) most people out there aren't interested in my 1,000 word rambling about Elijah or any of my other ramblings.  But, I seem to have more in me than I can contain, so this blog will continue to function as mile markers along the road of my own spiritual growth and development.  If someone else finds it and gets something out of it, that'd be super too.

Ecclesiastes (it's not what you think)

"For everything there is a season."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

A few years ago I had my life changed by a ministry at my church.  I was a 30-something new believer after a life time of intentional and deliberate atheism.  When God pulled me out of that, I found myself seeking Him, looking for opportunities to go deeper.  I had an unquenchable hunger but I couldn't find anything that could fill my appetite.  I had a few good "feedings", notably a season of "Men's Fraternity" that was life changing for me and a "Marriage Encounter" with my wife.  But both of those were short term events that ended too soon, thrusting me back out into the real world desperately searching for more.

When I hooked up with this other ministry, whose members were often referred to as "Those People", I found that I was surrounded by imperfect people that were not only seeking God openly and honestly, but they were clinging to Him for their next breath.  There was an honesty that I had not seen in the secular or Christian world before.  There was also a common yearning for spiritual intimacy that I had never seen anywhere.  I found it refreshing and inspiring.

It's been a few years now.  God has changed me, changed my family, and changed my church.  When I look back at the last year I find it hard to believe all that He has done.  I led worship for a year, every Friday night.  14 months ago I had never sung in public.  28 months ago I had never sung in private.  I don't claim to be good, but God gave me just enough to get me through.  And that's the tip of the iceberg.  I could (and probably should've been) fill this blog with stories of life change and miracles.

But, for everything there is a season.  The time for that ministry at our church is coming to an end.  We have two more Friday nights and then it's over.  Yes, I know I will miss it.  I will miss the brothers and sisters that I have served with and whose lives I have seen changed.  None of us will ever be the same. 

I believe that God never meant for us to get too embedded in our ministries.  When we do, I think the human tendency is to believe that it is the ministry that saves us, it is the ministry that keeps us healed.  Our nature is to cling so tightly to the things of this earth...it is vital to recognize when it's time to move on.  When the pillar of fire moves, it's time to pack the tents.  And it's time to pack the tents.

God may have parted the Red Sea to get us to where we're at.  That might have been an awesome miracle, but we're not to the promised land yet.  He still has plans for us, and it is still our calling to follow Him wherever it may lead.  Even if it means letting go of what we cling to.

So tonight I find myself looking forward.  What does God have planned?  I don't know, but I await it with anticipation.  Instead of being bitter or let down by this ending, I am excited about the new beginning.

I can't keep it all in

I've been leading worship for about 8 months now.  The story of how that came to be is pretty amazing and unlikely, but it's for another day.

The first thing I had to do when I began leading worship was to submit.  The act of leading worship became an exercise in continual submission.  I am not a gifted musician.  I don't have a great voice.  The only way God can be glorified by my strumming and singing is if He is doing it through me.  And He does.  When I let Him.

Recently a song found me that was new to us.  We've been working on it a few weeks and the song has taught me new facets of worshiping God that I didn't know were there previously.  As a result, this song energizes me.  Because the act of singing it and playing it tunes my heart to God's pitch, I feel like I have an open conduit for the Holy Spirit to rain down into me.  I don't want to stop, I want to get my fill and let it overflow.  We have a count-down timer before we start the worship set and I could hardly contain myself watching it tick down.  It was in slow motion.  I needed to praise my King!  It's time for worship!  Even though "that song" wouldn't be played for another 45 minutes, I needed to shout and sing and glorify the Lord.  I almost felt like there was a crackling energy emanating sparking between me and the guitar and on up to heaven.

I used to have brief moments like this.  Not so deep or profound, but a taste of what being touched by the Holy Spirit was like.  It used to leave me drained.  We called it the Holy Hangover.  An encounter with God was always followed by an emotional valley.  It seemed inevitable.  Now I don't think that's the case.  When we allow Jesus to make our hearts new again, they are like a new wineskin.  They can hold more than before, they can hold a different type of liquid than before.  I feel like He's made my heart new again.  It's not broken like it was before.  When it's filled, it doesn't all spill out immediately, leaving an empty void.  Or maybe it is broken, but instead of brief moments of refilling my heart has learned how to constantly seek Him out, to constantly replenish from the source itself.  Where I previously thought that humans need a recovery period from our spiritual encounters, maybe the opposite is actually true.  Maybe it's that we're more whole when we strive to never cease these encounters.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power...

Be Still

Surely everyone is familiar with the verse from Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God."  I've seen it printed on everything from hot pads to t-shirts.  Be still.  That's not the pace my life runs at.  It's not just that I don't have time to "Be still" it's that I don't think I remember how.

Why?  Why are we supposed to take the time to be still and know that He is God?  I mean, I'm living my life for Him already, right?  I am a living sacrifice.  I've surrendered my life to Him to be used as He sees fit.  I worship Him and lead others into worship as well.  So, why the need to be still?

Life is chaotic.  With two kids (soccer, school, etc), both parents working full time (or more), dedication to multiple roles in multiple ministries...yeah, life is just a little hectic.  It's easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life.  Sometimes it feels like I'm hanging on by a thread, like one more source of stress, irritation, or even resentment, will cause something to come crashing down.  It might cause everything to come crashing down.  

One verse earlier in the Bible, it says "He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth."  Psalm 46 starts with "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the hearth of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."    I believe wars are more common than just Iraq or Afghanistan.  Wars happen every day, between friends, co-workers, family members, spouses...any place there is a relationship between two people a war can break out.  Yet He can make wars cease.  He can eliminate the conflict in my life (and yours).  He also can be a refuge.  I like the sound of that.  I envision that as Jesus physically holding and comforting me during my trials.  All I have to do is turn to Him.

When we're caught in the middle of this storm of chaos and confusion, it can be difficult to hear God.  It can be difficult to trust Him to come through for us.  When I'm overwhelmed, I think about everything I should be doing and how I can get it done..more lists, more coffee, less sleep, get this done, get that done.  It's all up to me.  When I take time to be still, that is when I pray.  That is when my soul opens up to Him.  I see and know that He is more powerful than any stress in my life.  He can move mountains, He can deliver entire nations from annihilation.  It is in stillness and in prayer that I can open myself up and let go.  I see that the chaos in my life is insignificant when compared to His glory.  

In one famous passage of the old testament, God spoke in a whisper that followed a chaotic storm.  I urge you, listen for that whisper.  You may have to be still to hear it, so find a moment and carve out some peace.  Open up to Him, and listen.

Be still.  He is God.

David's Sing and Strum

David's 1st annual Spectacular Sing and Strum Birthday Bash 

Who : 
fans of handmade music

What : 
Bring an instrument and/or bring your voice.  We'll sit around and share songs.  The idea is similar to an old "hootenanny" where everyone would sit in a circle and play songs together.  I did this once with about 30 other guitar players and it was a blast.  

When :
1PM, Sunday June 27th

Where :
My House (call or email for the address and directions)

How : 
It would be helpful to bring a few copies of some of your favorite songs.  Simple sheets with the lyrics and chords would be great.  Although there aren't any genre restrictions, since we'll be entirely acoustic death metal and grunge would probably seem out of place.  The three genres I play the most are country, worship/praise, and folk.  The best songs for this setting are songs that would work around a campfire.

FAQ:

But I don't have any musical ability...
If you have an interest in music, come enjoy the handmade musical goodness.  If you have an instrument, bring it and maybe you can pick up a thing or two.

But I'm way better musically than most people.
Steal the show!

But I don't know any songs that anyone else would know.

Come and learn something, teach something.

But I don't know any songs at all.

Come learn some!  It'll be fun

Can I bring my...

YES:  Drum, harmonica, ukulele, talented friend, non-musical spouse 

NO:  Bagpipes, dogs (we have a little dog and yours would eat ours)

But wait, it's your birthday, shouldn't I bring a gift?
The music is the gift.  However, if you really feel like you need to give something feel free to either: a.) bring cans of food that will be donated to Sand Springs Community Services or b.) bring cash to donate to my mission trip that I'm planning to go on.

But my question was...

Send me a message and I'll add it to the list!