Who are you?

I've been participating in the "Christian Bloggers" community over on Google+ for a little while now. For the past few weeks, a challenge has been issued that we can choose to write about. I love things like that, so I've eagerly participated. Last week it was "Who is your audience?" 

Audience? I tend to be sporadic and random. But through all my half-thoughts and wandering prose,  underlying themes arise. This question has been at work in my heart and mind. The deadline is long past, but the question still hangs.

My answer has two components. I think it makes sense to start with Jesus. Luke 4 tells us that Jesus said He came to "tell the Good News to the poor. ...To announce forgiveness to the prisoners of sin and the restoring of sight to the blind, to forgive those who have been shattered by sin, to announce the year of the Lord’s favor." This is my guidance. I can't be like Jesus, but my goal is to reflect the work He has done in me.

Afflicted?

Through everything I write, and in fact in everything I do, my sincere hope and prayer is to be a comfort to the afflicted. That doesn't mean afflicted believers. That means the afflicted. Period. To those that feel overwhelmed by life, oppressed, trapped, or at the end of your rope, my hope is that in me you find compassion and understanding. I've been there too. You are not alone. I write about the love and incredible, outrageous grace of God so that you can know that God loves you right where you are. You don't have to clean yourself up before asking God into your life. I don't care what your "sin" is. Whether you are a believer or not, God wants to draw you closer to Him. Throughout history He has demonstrated this in a number of ways, the most significant was sacrificing His only son in order to pay the price for the chains you feel. There is a way out. God provided it. Because He loves you that much.

Comforted?

The second component of everything I write and teach is aimed at the "comforted." I have crossed paths with people my entire life that have this air about them. You know the type. They know enough of the Bible to defend their personal beliefs, culture, and biases. They are offensively confident in all they believe. They are great at talking but horrible at listening. It's a lot like a song I used to know that says "He holds his Bible like a dagger, and he twists it the same way." While the Christian "comforted" are the most obvious, there are plenty of people that cling to other belief systems the same way. I write for them too.

I love people that have rock solid faith. That's not my target. I aim for people that have not been transformed by the gospel. Maybe they are "cultural Christians," learning the lingo in order to fit in or improve their lives. Their motivation may be power, influence, money, or even just acceptance. They don't see themselves as sinners saved by grace. They see themselves as righteous enforcers of God's law. Don't get me wrong, I love these people, too. I believe God is reaching out to them just as strongly as He is to the "prisoners of sin." I'm not condemning them, I'm trying to get them to think... trying to get them to be a little introspective. To dig deeper into their faith and into their scriptures and experience total life transformation that originates from allowing God to work in the most hidden places in their heart.

Who?

I write to comfort the afflicted. I write to afflict the comforted. The truth is, I fall squarely into both categories every day. Writing forces thoughts to become concrete, where they can be explored and refined. I write about the love of God and the grace of God because I need to hear it. Every day. I've been a Christian for almost 7 years now, and I still sin. I still feel unworthy of God's love. That's because I am unworthy of God's love. But He chose to love me anyway. I didn't earn it and I'm still not earning it. No, I'm gratefully dancing in it, but I know that it's in spite of all I've done, not because of all I've done.

On the other hand...I go to church. A lot. I spend a lot of time in the Word. I almost have a verse from Habakkuk memorized. Most Christians probably don't know there even is a book of Habakkuk. I've been on multiple international mission trips and have been a part of countless salvation decisions. I have seen the Holy Spirit light up someones eyes for the first time. I've seen the tears of transformation flowing down an old man's formerly hopeless face. I teach adult Sunday school every week to a group of incredible, authentic, and broken people that I consider close friends. I've been writing my own curriculum in there for 3 years.  We're all just trying to get to know Jesus a little better. I also teach 5th and 6th graders on Wednesday night. And I'm about to start writing my own curriculum for that, too.  That's in addition to my full time job that pays pretty well (which I always tithe on...pre-tax). I've looked a high meth-addict in the eye, shaken his hand, and honestly told him "I'm glad you came to church today, come on in." I've hugged and prayed with carnival workers that had been high and homeless days earlier. When I list my "accomplishments" it would be easy to feel pride. It would be easy to feel like God must really like me because I do so much for him.

But, like Paul, I know that isn't the case. Without God I'm a hopeless mess. Without me, God is still God. Anything incredible that comes out of my life originates with Him. So I write. I write to remind myself of this. I write to drive myself back to Him. I write for me...I write for you. But ultimately, I'm writing for Him.

While reading this, if you felt like you fell into either category I can't say that it was entirely accidental. What I can tell you is that you aren't alone. You just found a new friend in me. I can tell you countless stories about how God loves you so much that you can trust Him with everything you have. You can tear down all the walls that are between you and Him and experience life that is more full, meaningful, exciting, and significant than you have ever imagined. That is available to everyone. Even me.

Most Ordinary

Trust 30 : Day 25 (prompt by Patti Digh)

Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary.

I relate to that "ordinary" feeling quite a bit. I have trouble seeing anything that I do as unique. If I can do it, anybody can, right? What's been eye opening for me is to see this in my kids too. There are things they do that are so exceptional that they disregard or under value. This isn't an indication that there's anything wrong with them...I believe it's our nature.

But to turn the lamp back to me... Jon Acuff has done a good job at fleshing this out in his blog (here) and his book "Quitter." He illuminated for me the fact that I tend to compare my "beginning" to other peoples' "middle." I look at a successfully author or visionary leader and compare their work to my own. Never mind the fact that they've been working at it for 20 years or more and I'm just ramping up. I neglect that fact. So my false expectation tends to be that I can sit down and write one thing (novel, essay, song) and it will "be enough." I tend to think my first novel will be my best one. I forget that in every other area of life, more experience ends up producing better results.

My challenge is twofold. The most important, at this point, is time in the seat. Practice, practice, practice. That has been the best part of this Trust 30 challenge. It's forcing me to write. I'm learning how to steal moments here and there. To write a little and come back later without losing my thought. Previously I felt I had to carve out a substantial block of uniteruptable time so that my ideas wouldn't fly away. I still prefer solitude, but I can manage without it.

I do believe I have a unique voice and perspective, but that I haven't quite fleshed out exactly what it is yet. That's the second part of my challenge...finding that voice that will ring through consistently in everything I write and do.

Here's to being ordinary.

Enthusiasm

Trust 30 : Day 22 (prompt by Mars Dorian)

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now.

Once again I risk falling into the realm of cliche, which I typically try to avoid, but nothing creates more enthusiasm for me than following God's will. I realize this makes no sense to a lot of people. It's just...I've had my own hopes and dreams for most of my life and they all pale in comparison to what I've seen God do in the past few years.

I find that this naturally touches people on a deeper level as it grows. Lives are transformed, relationships reconciled, and the past is overcome. The energy and enthusiasm generated from following God's will cascades from more to more as it is experienced. It does have enemies, though.

The first is nostalgia. By this I mean clinging to what God has done instead of what He has yet to do. Many people have a profound spiritual experience and then spend the rest of their lives resting on it. It's not unlike an athlete that throws a perfect game in high school and spends the rest of his life reliving that same memory. It was an incredible accomplishment, but it's causing the present to stagnate and the future to die. It's important always be looking forward with eager anticipation to what God has planned for us next. As long as we're breathing there is more for us to do.

The second is fear of abandonment. Even though I know God has done tremendous things for me and through me, I fear that He is finished with me. This anxiety causes me to doubt the calling I hear. It undermines the work that is left to be done.

The third is fear of the unknown. That is, we fear what God has planned for us next. This is the "what if" game. What if God wants me to sell my house? What if He wants me to move to another country? What if He wants me to quit my job and live as a homeless person? I'm comforable with what God has done in my so far because I know how it has turned out. Sometimes it's tempting to stop seeking His will because we don't want to turn into one of "those people." You might know the type...totally sold out to Christ like nothing on this earth really matters.  Weird.

So, what do I need to think or believe about my work to be totally excited about it? I need to believe that God put me here for a reason. That through Him the purpose will be revealed. When it's time to move on, He will make it abundantly clear.